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for Carnivorous Shadows

10/26/2010 c1 17foreverandeversoul


1/14/2010 c1 5eaststar
Very nice, but there is a line that doesn't make sense. "I'm being devoured, not knowing of It." How can you say that you don't know that you're being devoured if you do? If you didn't know you were being devoured then you wouldn't say that! You depicted the emotion beautifully. Great job!
10/19/2009 c1 2Cynthia17
I love how descriptive you get with your wording to show the reader of this 'carnivorous shadow', although I still don't know what you mean by that. Maybe you could add more to the poem so it can be shown as to what your trying to say. Overall, good job! It kept me going, which I enjoyed :)
9/7/2009 c1 128vitriolicvermilion
There is something intriguing about this poem. The formatting is perfect for this piece...the first lines are about being alone, and the poem is just out there in the middle of the page. It is fitting. Those first two lines really made me want to read more, they're almost philosophical.

Something about the way the last two lines were written didn't go for me very much...with the ellipsis and the the capitalization of each word, it seemed a little melodramatic. But that's just me! In general, nice poem. (:
8/9/2009 c1 2Svelte
I liked this...it was interesting, but were you trying to make the last line rather humorous? Cause I don't know..maybe it's just the word "carnivorous" that makes me laugh but it was kind of like *dramatic music* and then CARNIVOROUS SHADOW.

Well, anyway. It was well written (:
6/25/2009 c1 16Liastoria Alestera

I'm not very good at reviewing, but I'll try my best! I like the way you name your poem, the title "Carnivorous Shadow" is interesting, catchy, and most importantly, it suites the mood you set perfectly, dark and mysterious:) I like the way you end the peom too:) "It is...My Carnivorous Shadow", it just clips off the poem nicely. Though it maybe different from the mental image you had while writing, your poem painted an image of a black and white world and a person always looking out for a creepy shadow while I was reading it, which is really awesome for a short poem! :) Finally, I think the overall feeling of the poem could be improved if you did not have that much "...", it gives many pauses when the poem actually sounds nice flowing nicely, but the "..."works well at the end :) Anyway, your poem is a thumbs up!
4/26/2009 c1 16RuathaWehrling

First off, I love the title (and thus the last line) of this poem. It really caught my attention!

The poem itself was alright. I couldn't really get too into it - partly because it's pretty short and partly because I felt like I was missing some background. I didn't know WHY "you" (well, the persona) felt like this, so it didn't prompt much of an emotional response, you know?

My one specific criticism is sort of silly, since it's more a visual thing than anything else. But then, poems are rather visual, so I think that's still relevant. I didn't like the ellipses ("...") after "My every". I don't think the dots really add anything and they're visually distracting. So you might contemplate whether you really need them or not.

Anyhow, like I said, my favorite line was the last one, but I thought the first two were pretty solid as well.

Thanks for the read!

2/27/2009 c1 16Plej
I liked this piece because it a witty one, like the sort of poems where the example is given first and boom there's the answer you've all been waiting for, now what you gonna do about it. That's my way of explaining it, lol. I liked it also because of the structure you used, it made everything flow so smoothly, there were not any sudden pauses or abrupt endings. I disliked the shortness of it because I want to hear more about this carnivorous shadow.
2/10/2009 c1 4JumpingJor
Very nice, and well written!
1/28/2009 c1 70PoetryQueen
This is different. I do not think you need so many stanzas though. I liked it though. Good job!
12/31/2008 c1 45deefective
Oh, I really like this piece. I think the way you separated the stanza's and verses really made this piece. It was like a bunch of disconnected snippets that were all part of the same train of thought. The only thing I would say though is that I think a bit of formatting would've helped this piece. It's easy to see what points you want stressed but at the same time if someone who never really understood poetry were to read it they'd have some trouble. Other than that, nicely done.
11/29/2008 c1 1DanceLikeNo-oneIsWatching

Wow! This is great. I love how this could be taken in so many different ways, how the meaning of it is ambiguous. It works for multiple people and they can all have their own meaning to it. The title is great. It almost has an edge of humor to it.
11/22/2008 c1 6Aero's Twin
I love this poem. Not to ring your bell too hard, but of the ones I've read so far, it's one of my favorites. I like how you use short lines with few words. To me, this makes the poem flow a lot slower (in a good way). It builds up tension and anxiety and makes me feel for you as I read it. You conveyed a lot of feeling in this. Great job! =]
10/29/2008 c1 31the ashtray girl
I like the way you put one word per line in the second stanza. And how you capitalized the word "it" throughout the poem. Love the idea overall

9/27/2008 c1 Isca
"I'm being devoured." Wow! That line is powerful and chilling!
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