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for Once Bitten, Twice Blessed

6/2/2008 c1 6Kiyura
More more more! You can't just put up a prologue and then leave everyone hanging! Or...uh, leave me hanging, at least.

Review time!

Prologue was good. Long enough to intrigue but short enough to leave the reader looking for answers in the next chapter. Good description and sense of action. The only thing I would say against it is that it felt a bit fast, but I find first chapters are often a struggle betwen wanting to develop things further and wanting to hook people in with the action. So! That's fine, all I want now is to see more. Whe!
4/23/2008 c1 2Belle Morte858
Totally thrilling and very intense! A great story in the making if you don't mind me saying it. I feel like there is a million ways to make this story work, and I am really looking forward to seeing what else you have in store for us readers. Hope to see an update soon.

~AKA Kim
2/2/2008 c1 5Icy Vampire Chick
Damn. Just out of curiosity, are you going to continue this ? It was superb ! I fell in love with the prologue - so much emotion and turmoil...How do you do it ? But please at least make an effort to update this. It'll be great waste to see some good writing discarded into the neglected pile in the literary world.

Good grammar and excellent flow by the way. Love your storyline. ^.^

~Jo
1/10/2008 c1 7Euphorialie
Ooh, this is definitely very intriguing. The first thing that caught my eye was the sawed-off shotgun, cause that made me giggle. I'm a huge Supernatural (the show) fan, and well, I've got memories, if that means anything. Her attitude is really great, pretty hardcore/experienced hunter, even though she makes a mistake. I think you did awesome with the descriptions, not too much or too little. And last off all, the ENDING. The suspense there is awesomely killing me. Who is this mysterious maybe-vampire who has saved her? Was she even saved or will she die? Just makes me want to go dun, dun, dun... So wonderlicious job, and I hope an update is in order!
8/12/2007 c1 6Darwin
Hello! Looking through my list of "Only Half" faved...I found your name, and in turn your profile.

Your entry here looked intriguing...so I thought I would jump in and take a look at what'cha got!

This is a very interesting beginning to what seems destined to be a larger work.

Overall the premise is solid, used, but that's okay so long as you make it your own.

Some suggestions to help you out, as others have helped me:

Descriptives - you do well with your descriptives here, I will agree with your other reviewers that you could use more, but overall you give a good visual background to your tale. The fight with the vampire was quick, a bit too quick me thinks, and some descriptive of what she was feeling, what she was hearing tasting, sensing (Though this one was already quite well accomplished), would add depth to the encounter. I know that we are not supposed to feel for the creature she is fighting, but to make her more identifiable it would have been good to hear about her pain at the bite, stabbing or burning pain? Does it fire her blood? Does it scare her that he was able to latch on? These are things that readers want to know, they love to get into the head of the character.

Another facet to description and this is a hard learned lesson on my part - as well as being hard as hell to overcome - is getting away from block descriptions. While you've described her as all in black you can add things as she moves: "As she moved deeper into the flat she removed her jacket and laid it over the back of one velvet covered chair. Her fingers lingered on the leather, the suppleness describing itself to her fingers even when her brain wasn't listening." or "She shook her head, making the coal shaded ponytail bounce, bob, and tickle the back of her pale neck." These can be broken up throughout the telling of the tale so that the reader gets glimpses of how she is dressed how she wears her hair. It is a much more dynamic way to find out about the people and surroundings of the story. Block descriptions are one step away from infodumps I've found!

Granted this is one I am still working on...I won't lie to you...I do well at describing people, but get me to describe a background and I fall down! As my friend always says, engage all of your senses when writing and descriptives will come out better.

I'm not sure I like to see such a short intro broken up by a flashback...have you considered writing about her encounter with the vampire as the introduction to the story? It would be a huge hook for action oriented readers. It could easily be turned into a prologue, and then could be followed by the introduction of the normal parts of her life.

Just a thought...as with all about my reviews your are welcome to take or leave them, comment in return, ask questions for clarification, or ignore me completely.

I do hope this is helpful, because this has the potential to be a heck of a good story! I'm adding it to my alert list and I will be happily looking for more!

Thanks for sharing your work with us!

Darwin
6/28/2007 c1 6Carmel March
That was an excellent start to the story. I'm already quite gripped :) I see that you haven't update for awhile, but I still hope to see more from you!

~carm~
6/13/2007 c1 6Medieval-Rogue
*smiles* I like this story. I'm not quite sure why. I'll be honest in saying that the actual writing of it could use some work, most noticeably when Alex remembers the vampire bite (more detail), actually, all around more fleshing out would be beautiful...but I like it. I really do. Update soon and work on it more- this interests me.

~Medieval-Rogue~
8/26/2006 c1 4Mynoris
Interesting start. It's a bit short in places, but it flows nicely. And you're leaving us with a bit of a cliff hanger, which is a good way to hook people in.

One error though, near the beginning, I think it's 'lecture' not 'lector'. Hope that helps.
8/18/2006 c1 2stuffisawesome
Sounds interesting so far. Is Alex going to become a vampire? Though I can see that if you're hunting vampires at night, why you'd want to sleep during the day...tiring work. ;)

Keep it up!

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