for Beyond the Darkness9/14/2006 c2 Natalia
Thank you so much. I got on fictionpress hoping to be inspired. I tried at least five other stories and this one was the only one that survived scrutiny past the second or third paragraph. I hope you're not finished...
Thank you so much. I got on fictionpress hoping to be inspired. I tried at least five other stories and this one was the only one that survived scrutiny past the second or third paragraph. I hope you're not finished...
9/3/2006 c1 Removed01
Reviews must come from the heart, whether they're good comments or not. So have patience and wait.
Plot seems alright, you're giving out too much of it in your summary; cut it down a bit so the mystery attracts the readers. Sometimes you repeat words in the same sentence or paragraph, it's noticeable; if the ideas are related and described by the same word then group them together so you only have to say the word once; use a synonymous.
Other than that, joob job. And again, have patience.
Best Wishes from AG
Reviews must come from the heart, whether they're good comments or not. So have patience and wait.
Plot seems alright, you're giving out too much of it in your summary; cut it down a bit so the mystery attracts the readers. Sometimes you repeat words in the same sentence or paragraph, it's noticeable; if the ideas are related and described by the same word then group them together so you only have to say the word once; use a synonymous.
Other than that, joob job. And again, have patience.
Best Wishes from AG
8/23/2006 c1 
1Lieutenant
You have a good imagination about hell and that stuff, i like your story you should make another one, I would read it.
1LieutenantYou have a good imagination about hell and that stuff, i like your story you should make another one, I would read it.