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1/7/2007 c5 27ClassicTrick
yay update

I like the new name, gives the story more intensity. i have to say the kiss was very predictable. But I think you're doing great without an outline! i hope you keep it up!
12/29/2006 c5 3burnedtoast
Hooray for updates! This is getting exciting...I'm dying to know more about Avalon and Slay. I know it's hard writing without an outline/plan (who has time for that stuff? xD) but sometimes not having a plan stops me from freaking out about where the story's going and I can just write, you know? Keep it up!
12/16/2006 c4 28Kid In Converse
Whoa... that was wow. I'm really interested in seeing what happens next! Please post more soon!
12/16/2006 c1 Kid In Converse
Awesome! Although, I think that you could give more info on their their looks, and give more details about where they are. Anyways, great chapter!
11/5/2006 c4 16Noir Fleurir
i was browsing around fictionpress, like usual, and i found this and its good! i like it like it like it! please please please update update update soon! this is on my author alert list *hehe* okay awaiting update!
9/12/2006 c4 27ClassicTrick
oh I actually didn't see that comingoh man what's she going to do now?hope you update soon
9/12/2006 c4 5Fahr
It wasn't obvious a t'all. Man, that's terrible. She'd been waiting for so long and... Slay didn't even get the chance to look for her. Ack, you're just able to convey so much emotion in that single last sentence. It's very hard to pull my heartstrings (I'm not at all an emotional person), but that did it... And strongly.

Wow. Yes, and do keep writing when you can! It's an awesome story so far.
9/11/2006 c4 1mkrasinski
The ending wasn't too obvious. I really like Avalan. IT will be interesting to see what happens next. I know that school has started up again, =[. But keep writing, the book has turned out great so far!
9/7/2006 c3 27ClassicTrick
hmm interesting twistwonder what happens next
9/4/2006 c1 ClassicTrick
Aw this seems really cuteI can't finish the rest of it right now though :(I'll finish it later tonight though!Thanks for reviewing! I posted the next chap!~CT
9/2/2006 c3 5Fahr
The spacing was actually spared here except in one place where 'themain' isn't spaced at all.

I really liked Slay and Azure's discussion of his name in the prologue. A good friend of mine actually has Slay as his last name, but we'd never really thought of the reference to 'kill'.

But there was one place where your tenses didn't quite match up:

"...he wasn’t one of those people who needs to think..."

It sounds better if you write 'needed' instead of 'needs' or it clashes with the past tense set by the 'was not'. I suppose the way you've written it /does/ make some sense, but I personally had to go back and reread the sentence because the present tense sort of stuck out awkwardly in my mind.

It's very interesting... And the perfectly placed cliffhanger at the end of this chapter deserves a favorite. :3

D.C.
8/31/2006 c3 1mkrasinski
Oh my god, total twist there. I thought for sure Avalon was Slay. What happend to Slay? Ahg! Write more, quickly! Ha.
8/28/2006 c2 mkrasinski
AHH, Whats next? Don't stop now!
8/25/2006 c2 3CallingJaneDoe
Okay so the beginning of the story caught me so I kept on reading and I have to say its a pretty sveet story so far, you have got to continue this!
8/22/2006 c1 11skizofrenik
In a way it reminds me of Out of the Rain...but different of course. Its very sweet. You're getting better at writing, I don't have as many grammatical thingers to point out!
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