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for The Chronicles of Starlyn: The Fear of Magic

8/26/2006 c1 Dakota
Well It was Good, Altho that is not how dark elves Came about, they are there own race, They Live in large underground City, Most fear the Sun...

See if you can refrase this so it flows better"The dark pot of liquid she is working on spilled onto the ground. The crimson liquid surrounds Arria burning her leather armor until all that lay there is her naked body and the arrow in her back. Everything else burned, her entire cabin caught flame in the moonlight."

And at the EndThe Elven Warrior walked up beside her and uttered, “Black magic.” His Armor type is not importint to the story
8/26/2006 c1 connie
Well for someone who realy isn't in to fantasy/romance i kinda liked it. very important for me to want to read more in the begining of a book otherwise i would abandon it quickly. this held my interest and i wanted to read more. two thumbs up!
8/26/2006 c1 Paul
Enjoyed reading it, will check up on updates.
8/26/2006 c1 August23
Pretty good, nice read be looking back for future stories.
8/26/2006 c1 Streak
Dont know much about fantasy novels but good prelude. Enjoyed it and was kept entertained by the dark magic thingy. All around NIFTY prelude! xD
8/26/2006 c1 Lily
ohh souds amazing... somewhat farmalliar to this book im reading... but oh well looks pretty good i'd say :D
8/26/2006 c1 Caplock
Looking good Alan. I'll go ahead and put some ideas/things you could edit.

1)You could name the sister by having Arria say it when she says "its the only way, (insert name)."2)Maybe you could add some more foreshadowing. For example its like "its the only way to save mother," you could be like "its the only way to release her" or "only way to rescue her" etc.3)When it says "her comforting friend walked up beside her," you could use like "The compasionate Elven warrior," etc

Also remember the things i said on MSN. this looks like it will turn out to be a good story. ^^ i couldnt Find my Elven Empire story, but i remember the beginning so im probably goign to type that up soon.
8/26/2006 c1 BOB
OWNED BITCH OWNED
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