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12/11/2007 c16 2John Michael Christopher
Loved this one, too. Good story. Never a dull moment, and always entertaining. The question at the end captures the spirit perfectly. Hoping for a sequel.
8/20/2007 c16 13Shadowhound
Hyperviolence? Don't you mean the old ultraviolence?

Not much else to say. Are you going to start another Krith story?

Shadowhound
5/21/2007 c13 Shadowhound
Nathaniel Essex? Could it be odd chance, or were you trying for a Sinister connection. So you're either a fan of a certain comic book, or you found a very interesting name. Either way, I'm assuming this guy is the Bond equivalent.

Shadowhound
5/6/2007 c3 feeder
O. M. G. (justifiable melodrama) I love this.

Since they're short, I'll review a few chapters at a time.

Chapter 1:

You set a good tone in this chapter, and it's one that is used far too rarely in fantasy, and I like it.

"What do I need from you." - this is a question without a mark.

Not much to say really, excpet that it's good.

Chapter 2:

"But please, try not to scream so loudly this time. You made my ears bleed last time" - I'd suggest avoiding the repetition of 'time'.

"Tea and crumpets aren’t the same without a bit of crumpet on the side, if you get my meaning." - funny guy.

Chapter 3:

"Stupid ruffians" - I don't think the word 'stupid' works well here, given the doctor's usual vocabulary. In my opinion something like 'insufferable' might work better.

I have an intense and largely irrational hatred of the use of caps lock to express emphasis or emotion. Really, if the words themselves don't get the meaning across, then it's probably because it just isn't written well enough. But since it's you I know that you're good enough to be able to show his tone and manner of speech without WRITING IT LIKE THIS. Even if you just put it in italics or something it'd be better.

Basically, this is the best story of yours that I've read. It's even better than book 1 of Twin Moons. The short chapters work well too, but make sure you don't have too many.
5/4/2007 c12 Shadowhound
If Cerebellum is the Bond villain, then I'm assuming 'that guy' is the Bond-like super spy.

Shadowhound
5/1/2007 c11 Shadowhound
Interesting. Why is there no honor among thieves? That idea seems to have been lost in the modern criminal world. If only criminals could trust each other...Ah well.

Again, not much to say.

Shadowhound
4/28/2007 c11 2John Michael Christopher
Well, you've done it again. Excellent chapter. The pacing of this story is really good. It moves fast without appearing to do so. The plot thickens. I love the recollection of the agent obsessed with killing Dr. Torture. The next chapters sound like they're going to be explosive, too. New developments rise, and I can't wait to read about them.

As opposed to a short story or novel, do you remember when they used to air TV series consisting of episode after episode of interrelated adventures? Where a series completed a story rather than each episode? I believe this story shares the same spirit and could be written along the same vein. I'd like that. Because then you could continue writing the story indefinitely.
4/26/2007 c9 13Shadowhound
Interesting. As I've previously stated, I like to dialogue, but miss the description. The story is still entertaining enough to keep my attention. I particularly liked the beginning where it wasn't absolutely clear that the good doctor was a practioner of a slightly different art of medicine.

Shadowhound
4/26/2007 c6 Shadowhound
It's amusing, but doesn't seem overly realistic from my perspective. Then again, I'm not overly familiar with the art of torture and its practioners. I am a bit curious about the nationality of the General Kaiden. I am currently guess either Russian or American. Russian because you used the term 'scorched earth,' and American because of the stars on the flag. The diaglogue is invigorating.

Shadowhound
4/26/2007 c3 Shadowhound
And now it gets interesting. I remember reading somewhere that torturers tend to have specialties in who and how they work. Some exercises of torture might be more effective on one gender opposed to the other.

I agree with what the other people say, you do very well with your dialogue. This story really brings it to the fore. Personally, I prefer details, world-building, explanations. Dialogue comes second to that, though it should really be on the same level.

Shadowhound
4/26/2007 c1 Shadowhound
A witty little doctor you have. Is he Chinese? Where does the story take place? All questions that are usually answered outside of dialogue.

Shadowhound
4/25/2007 c9 2Lucie Saint-Lazare
I'm afraid I'm going to sound like a fangirl again. I love this. I love this almost as much as the other story. It has "cult classic" written all over it.

I wouldn't have a whole lot to say beyond mindless gushing if I wrote a review for every chapter, so I'll review the whole thing and come back later for the rest.

The doctor's personality comes through very strongly, and what's more impressive, so does the personality of his interlocutors. Adrienne and the minion are stand-outs. The tangents on which the doctor goes are entertaining rather than distracting, and there are plenty of memorable lines. The one thing I would warn you against, though, is relying too much on the doctor repeating what his interlocutors have just said ("What do you mean, -?" "Of course -!" "Oh no, not -!") You do it well, and I understand that due to the limits you've given yourself it's sometimes necessary, but it's cheating and would make TERRIBLE, repetitive dialogue if it was written regularly. (I heard it's one of the first things they warn you against in screenwriting class.) Also, in Chapter 3, the agent asks the doctor what he wants with him. He already asked that in Chapter 1.

I read this article a while ago about this guy who trained himself to swallow his tongue so he could kill himself if ever he got in trouble... Apparently once you get past the initial gag reflex it's fairly easy and everyone can do it even when they're otherwise helpless. I would expect a well-trained secret agent and a torture artist to be aware of the possibility.

I would also warn you against making this too long... Novel-size would certainly be too long. A long short story/short novella format would work best, in my opinion. The thing is that due to the very minimalistic format you've chosen, the reader has to fill in a lot of the blanks herself, which while great fun at first would become exhausting in the long run. You want this to be structured like a joke: concise and to-the-point, never boring, and with a great punchline.

I was wondering: why do only two of the chapters (Question Time, Hummingbird) have names?

Also, I haven't seen anything yet that warrants putting this in the fantasy section... It's more straightforward action/adventure so far. Maybe you have a surprise in store, though?

There were very few typos and style issues, but I caught a couple:

Chapter 5: fifth paragraph before the last, two sentences ending with the word "here."

Chapter 6: in "decor," the accent goes on the e, not the o.

Chapter 8 - I use British spelling too (Canadian edition) and I'm fairly positive it's principles, not principals. "gentleBart" is stuck together.

Chapter 9 - "How do you Americans put it," not "How to you Americans put it."

That's all... Honestly, I am stunned. I'm going to get to your big novel next, because if this is how you write when you're just experimenting or having fun, I can't imagine what you come up with when you're serious about it.

By the way, I meant to add you to my messenger contacts but I lost the info. If you still want me to have it, put it in the reply?

I got your review, by the way, and you made some very good points yet again. Thank you.

Take care!

Lucie
4/24/2007 c9 2John Michael Christopher
A couple of things made my day with this one. The first: Revolver Ocelot. The second: that crack about the dentist. So the doctor's running out of patience, is he? With him, it's hard to guess whether he's getting desperate or if the new plan's just another one of his extremely odd and overelaborate tactics. The next chapter sounds like it's going to be awesome. I can't wait to read it.
4/9/2007 c8 John Michael Christopher
This story's still funny as hell. I'm glad you're continuing it. Every chapter is perfect. It's good to have that agent back. I'm hoping he's a cool character. I look forward to the next chapter.
4/8/2007 c8 31Shadow Gryphon
Ah... and now we start to learn something about what the Doctor is doing. His style is still as entertaining as ever.

At the end you've missed a space, between gentle and Bart. Otherwise, a-ok.
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