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2/22/2007 c1 RosyGirl123
WOW! I loved the ending, and the beginning caught my attention too. I think your writing is amazing although I was a little confused on some parts. But the story is unique and it most certainty is interesting. One thing I would suggest is to expand your description a little more and make it more flowey, some parts were vague and rushed.
10/6/2006 c1 25V de V
Yes! It is interesting. I like it. It has Christian yet, um for lack of a better word, pagan elements in it. I especially like the twist as to how the landforms were made ... through grief. Normally, you'd think creation is a happy matter but no ...
9/23/2006 c1 1That Name Goes Here
That was truly amazing. I think that you wrote it tastefully and you wrote it in such a way that you dont know what is going to happen. I really liked it, and hope for more like it.
9/10/2006 c1 8incandescente
this is very interesting! i really liked this idea of the world's beginning. seriously.

but i was just wondering about pectem's "fall". if he had indeed fallen at such a great speed after the orb, how then could the parents still see it? how was the body "buried"? why was it the "greatest fall from grace?"

other than all these questions rumbling about in my mind, this is astonishingly good. :) continue writing!
9/3/2006 c1 3giggilymesh
The idea behind the story is extremely unique and original. Your teacher is right your story is 'interesting.' However constructive critisism here, you do have a few type-o's and awkward wording in certain places and you might want to go into more detail of what happened to Pectem's body. When his blood-his essence-faded into the orb did his body follow? You sort of leave the reader asking questions like that when you described it as vague as you did. Other than that your story shows excellent potential, you might want to go back and bulk up the vocabulary just a little but honestly great story.
9/1/2006 c1 59Frore
Creative. I definitely like the end.

I'm not sure of the criteria for the assignment, but this story feels like I am reading a list. "He did this, she did that. He said this, she said that." The idea isn't bad, not at all. I'm fond of stories that revamp old legends. You may want to consider showing the story, not telling, however. Keep writing.

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