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for Jacked

11/8/2006 c3 3serako
i'm a little sad you won't be updating this one, but i definitely think its a good idea to just focus on one story. i like the way you write jay and all, but i really think your strength in writing comes from when you're writing from a female pov. b/c even though the story mostly revolves around jay, there's just something that i feel connects the reader a lot more to charlie. the way you write her and portray her is just so much more emotionally gripping than jay. its kind of the same thing for your jocks story as well. i love dallas, but al captures my heart in a way he doesn't.

for some reason, when you were writing about charlie and describing her features, the first thing that popped into my head was the Fast and the Furious, the first one. You know Jordana Brewster? she plays the main girl in there, and she shares the same physical features, bronze skin, dark hair, lives in a neighborhood that is definitely less than friendly. Jay is a Vin Diesel of sorts, hahaha, and Jimmy and Don are kind of like that one annoying thugish guy who likes Jordana's character. and then, i guess this new white kid is kind of like Paul Walker. haha, anyways, good chap, can't wait to read the next whenever you're ready to update!
11/8/2006 c3 swimchickslam
Wow I really like this story too! Well I hope you'll update this or your other story soon ;]
11/8/2006 c3 2akaCHEEKS
aw... that's ok though. i understand you wanna finish your other stories first... but i'll be waiting! haha! at least you updated right?
11/8/2006 c3 twistedFAerieTALes
poor scott T.T

hairy chests are gross...jay's hot :D
11/8/2006 c3 7daretobe-dIfFeRnT
ahaha lol poor Scott, that sucks so much. ech i dont like Lola, she's an airhead. so who's the laptop for! obviously someone important, no? since there was a tracker...hm no idea... yay yea, work on Jocks more:D im already realy into that fic:D lovvers
11/8/2006 c3 3KeyshaYess
ii really like the story.. so theres going to b sum crushes going on wit da whyt boi nd this half latina? ... i liikkee .. and look forwardd =)

11/3/2006 c2 Naru
hey, i said ARSE. Not ASS. im aussie. gotta get it rite. :P hm...

i have nothing to say.

i dont like lola. i wish charlie cood bash her up for me. and yes, i noe im going by charlies pov but WATEVER. How can she stand that dude also? he treats her lik crap. and he says baby way to much. i dun really lik him either.

also, jay seems differnt now. before he seemed all badass but now hes gone to wimp. well, not imp exactly but overshadowed by the guys so that he's a little kid which conflicts with the badass thing. but then i guess yur trying to show the different side of him?



update please


ps i KNOW that in baddass i used ass instead of arse but in that? it just doesnt sound rite.
11/2/2006 c2 2akaCHEEKS
nice chapter! but is it the girl on the silver BMW?
10/30/2006 c2 hi
Hey, this story is cooler than your other one. Are you going to finish it?
10/22/2006 c2 kawaiikonnichiwa
wow. way to leave off on a hell of a cliffy. I'm really loving the plot so far though. Jay seems interesting, trustworthy and loyal, and not very serious, but then his character makes me feel like there's another side to him. Charlie is lind of like the opposite i think. she's not too into the stealing, and seems more serious then her brother, but willing to fight for her friends and family.

i wonder, will we see more of the girl who's phone got stolen? i wasn't sure if you included her story about her brother just to explain why she was crying, or to give us readers a little bit of background because we'd see her again.

Anyway, i can't wait to see where this story is going! Great job, and i look forward to your next update!
10/21/2006 c2 12crazy.chaotic.cool
Whoo! Awesome chappy! Pretty much what I said last chapter also goes for this chapter (yay for consistency!) For me, I still see the "dilema" of a dishonest proffesion to make a life for himself and his sister. This argument is in a way personified through the sister because she disagrees with him stealing, but she understands (sort of) that they have to do SOMETHING.

I like the end too. I wanna know what happens now!

Update soon!

10/8/2006 c2 MoriMorte
awsome story. i like the way you easily switched thethoughts of jay to charlie.


i wish u luck on your writingA Dark Rose
10/8/2006 c2 1starvednsl33py
ooh i like it. =D wonder what's gonna happen hehe.

what exactly are their ethnicities? you don't really show that in the story extensively.
10/7/2006 c1 2OneGirlAlone
This looks really good. Just like everything you write, of course.
9/30/2006 c2 5tearitrightup
i like this story. keep updating please!
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