for Behind Steady Eyes10/30/2006 c1 
17angels and effects
Well, it's about war, so it's gotta be heart-rendering and all yeah? I love your descriptive terms and how it so poignantly relates the consequences of war. I watched a movie on Hitler one day in school and somehow, one scene reminds me of your second verse. The entire poem could use a little lengthening, it seems a little too short to me. Sure, you described the caskets and the death all well, but it would have been good to go into the survivors' feelings. And maybe their families' feelings as well. I don't know, since this is named Behind Bars, I guess the main focus would be the last verse?
Oh, and this is just my opinion: it'll be better to capitalize the front letters of every line. I think it'll look somewhat more professional.
Once again, good descriptions! I won't say I'm the best critic (I go for romances) but yup, I find wars interesting too, for some reason. Nice ending, it rounds off everything in a neat little package. Could use a little improvement, but I like it all the same :)
Louisa
reviewers_found
17angels and effectsWell, it's about war, so it's gotta be heart-rendering and all yeah? I love your descriptive terms and how it so poignantly relates the consequences of war. I watched a movie on Hitler one day in school and somehow, one scene reminds me of your second verse. The entire poem could use a little lengthening, it seems a little too short to me. Sure, you described the caskets and the death all well, but it would have been good to go into the survivors' feelings. And maybe their families' feelings as well. I don't know, since this is named Behind Bars, I guess the main focus would be the last verse?
Oh, and this is just my opinion: it'll be better to capitalize the front letters of every line. I think it'll look somewhat more professional.
Once again, good descriptions! I won't say I'm the best critic (I go for romances) but yup, I find wars interesting too, for some reason. Nice ending, it rounds off everything in a neat little package. Could use a little improvement, but I like it all the same :)
Louisa
reviewers_found
10/1/2006 c1 2Angel of Ink
hey... I could not figure out any other way to message you, so I'm sending it through a review...
So, young_writers101 is a Yahoo group? I have never heard of it, and have no idea what it is... Someone has actually mentioned my story on there? wow...
I probably should change my summary if people think my story is a cliched piece of crap because of it...
Also, thanks so much for reviewing... I'm glad you liked it! : D To be honest, when I wrote that dream part in, it wasn't meant to be Sab dreaming about Victor or anything... I just put in it there on a whim, only people seem to fixate on it... : ) I guess it must mean something, then...You really think it's funny? haha... at the time, sometimes I do too, but... I dunno, I kinda think my humor is crap.
So you're a Hannah, too? Neat... It's interesting that you were born on the 16th, because there's another Hannah who was born on the same day as me, same year and everything... you wouldn't be turning 16 this year, would you?
2Angel of Inkhey... I could not figure out any other way to message you, so I'm sending it through a review...
So, young_writers101 is a Yahoo group? I have never heard of it, and have no idea what it is... Someone has actually mentioned my story on there? wow...
I probably should change my summary if people think my story is a cliched piece of crap because of it...
Also, thanks so much for reviewing... I'm glad you liked it! : D To be honest, when I wrote that dream part in, it wasn't meant to be Sab dreaming about Victor or anything... I just put in it there on a whim, only people seem to fixate on it... : ) I guess it must mean something, then...You really think it's funny? haha... at the time, sometimes I do too, but... I dunno, I kinda think my humor is crap.
So you're a Hannah, too? Neat... It's interesting that you were born on the 16th, because there's another Hannah who was born on the same day as me, same year and everything... you wouldn't be turning 16 this year, would you?
9/11/2006 c1 8Lord-of-Fools
Very... graphic. That sixty million corpse thing was okay. Except you need a plural and capitals on Second World War. I guess your message is very out there, though the rhythm isn't that good. Still, for a first try it's not bad. I've read worse. A lot worse.
8Lord-of-FoolsVery... graphic. That sixty million corpse thing was okay. Except you need a plural and capitals on Second World War. I guess your message is very out there, though the rhythm isn't that good. Still, for a first try it's not bad. I've read worse. A lot worse.