for Whispers of Delia10/1/2006 c1 
4A. J. Krautwurst
wow. there are so many images in this that are just perfect. it seemed to drag maybe a bit. if you could find a way to condense some of the stonger images in the piece it would be sharp enough to kill.
4A. J. Krautwurstwow. there are so many images in this that are just perfect. it seemed to drag maybe a bit. if you could find a way to condense some of the stonger images in the piece it would be sharp enough to kill.
9/23/2006 c1 2oldmancobalt
I'll start by thanking you for your review, it is much appreciated. Moving on!
This is an excellent poem, I have to admit I was attracted by the summary. It was such a hook that I had to find out what you meant.
"I don't have blue eyes."
Awesome.
The poem is a different style than that I think I've typically found on Fictionpress, and it's a nice thing to see.
I found the first couple of lines a tad tedious, but they had enough promise to continue. It drags on a bit from thereon out, but generally I enjoyed it- particularly "And secrets that would melt in your mouth/ Like cherry bombs sinking ships."
Also, your use of metaphor and description of things is absolutely phenomenal. Lines like "A garden budding on her body. /Like a dancer she weaves her way/ around in the evening light." really sell the poem and make it a truly enjoyable read overall.
-Cobalt
2oldmancobaltI'll start by thanking you for your review, it is much appreciated. Moving on!
This is an excellent poem, I have to admit I was attracted by the summary. It was such a hook that I had to find out what you meant.
"I don't have blue eyes."
Awesome.
The poem is a different style than that I think I've typically found on Fictionpress, and it's a nice thing to see.
I found the first couple of lines a tad tedious, but they had enough promise to continue. It drags on a bit from thereon out, but generally I enjoyed it- particularly "And secrets that would melt in your mouth/ Like cherry bombs sinking ships."
Also, your use of metaphor and description of things is absolutely phenomenal. Lines like "A garden budding on her body. /Like a dancer she weaves her way/ around in the evening light." really sell the poem and make it a truly enjoyable read overall.
-Cobalt