for Fire of Darkness10/5/2006 c1 Julian
Good plot... can't wait to read more, although the end of this chapter could use a little work. You kind of rushed through it. I liked the beginning of this chapter, a "good lead", although a tad bit rushed. I still think it's good.
Good plot... can't wait to read more, although the end of this chapter could use a little work. You kind of rushed through it. I liked the beginning of this chapter, a "good lead", although a tad bit rushed. I still think it's good.
9/29/2006 c1 maeve of hearts
Pretty impressive. I think you could probably work on your spacing. There's some words that are together..likethis. (I'm a grammar freak. Sorry.)I hope you update soon!
Pretty impressive. I think you could probably work on your spacing. There's some words that are together..likethis. (I'm a grammar freak. Sorry.)I hope you update soon!
9/16/2006 c1 
1Syd Diamond
Well, it's not terrible, but it could use a whole lot of work. I think that in a few places you missed a few words, like when the son says "But, why are we going to Throne Room?" there should be a 'the' before 'throne'. You also need more detail. I lost interest about half way through the story. I mean, I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but I'm not going to lie to you either. I think that if you fix it up a bit it would be an easier and more interesting read. Please don't take this as a flame, I just didn't know any other way to say it. Just work on it a bit.
~La Primavera
1Syd DiamondWell, it's not terrible, but it could use a whole lot of work. I think that in a few places you missed a few words, like when the son says "But, why are we going to Throne Room?" there should be a 'the' before 'throne'. You also need more detail. I lost interest about half way through the story. I mean, I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but I'm not going to lie to you either. I think that if you fix it up a bit it would be an easier and more interesting read. Please don't take this as a flame, I just didn't know any other way to say it. Just work on it a bit.
~La Primavera