for Farewell Dream2/12/2007 c1 
7The Breakdancing Ninja
This reminds me of the bridge scenes in FLCL, March of the God, and the playground scene in Rookie Jet.
The concept I enjoy is being by oneself, while still being together-the focal point of the poem seems to be what Life is like outside of meeting, movement, progress.
It's weird, but I saw it as one of those letters that someone sends to someone else after a year of being broken up. A sort of nostalgiac plead: "Weren't we so awesome when we were together, holding hands, drinking cocoa, talking, laughing, walking?"
The first time I read this poem, I THOUGHT I read something else-I actually thought I was reading a poem about what it means to be separated but still existing in the heart of a loved one, which brings connection. But reading it again, I see it as more of an apology or a plead to Please Come Home. It sounds stupid, and you never write about that sort of thing, but it's how I'm seeing it right now,
especially with all these analogies of emptiness, incompleteness, loneliness, unfulfillment, disconnectivity-
it's weird, it's a more detached version of Twigs and Swings, where only one side is actually feeling that yearning, aching lost. There's a sort of rejection or waivering of the way the object of the poem puts out a cigarette, as if meaning to say: "I've been done with you a long time ago", but the rest of the poem is about an un-met desire.
There's no closure to this piece, which makes it especially painful to read, I think. I can't see it backward, where the stanza in the beginning happened later, and these thoughts that follow happened earlier. It feels like the connection has been gone for a long time, and this speaker is reaching out in his or her mind-in the very selfsame moments that he or she is standing on the bridge with said lover-reaching out in these tangents, broken memories that have no bearing on the other person.
And the poem ENDS that way. In a disturbingly rhetorical question; there is no wish fulfillment. The other person doesn't respend and say: "Yeah. I miss those days. Let's relive them." And even WORSE, you don't hear that person say: "No, I don't want to." You don't hear that other person at all.
It's the vague silence that totally unnerves me about this poem. So depressing.
It feels like this person is in either pause or reverse outside of his or her love for the other.
7The Breakdancing NinjaThis reminds me of the bridge scenes in FLCL, March of the God, and the playground scene in Rookie Jet.
The concept I enjoy is being by oneself, while still being together-the focal point of the poem seems to be what Life is like outside of meeting, movement, progress.
It's weird, but I saw it as one of those letters that someone sends to someone else after a year of being broken up. A sort of nostalgiac plead: "Weren't we so awesome when we were together, holding hands, drinking cocoa, talking, laughing, walking?"
The first time I read this poem, I THOUGHT I read something else-I actually thought I was reading a poem about what it means to be separated but still existing in the heart of a loved one, which brings connection. But reading it again, I see it as more of an apology or a plead to Please Come Home. It sounds stupid, and you never write about that sort of thing, but it's how I'm seeing it right now,
especially with all these analogies of emptiness, incompleteness, loneliness, unfulfillment, disconnectivity-
it's weird, it's a more detached version of Twigs and Swings, where only one side is actually feeling that yearning, aching lost. There's a sort of rejection or waivering of the way the object of the poem puts out a cigarette, as if meaning to say: "I've been done with you a long time ago", but the rest of the poem is about an un-met desire.
There's no closure to this piece, which makes it especially painful to read, I think. I can't see it backward, where the stanza in the beginning happened later, and these thoughts that follow happened earlier. It feels like the connection has been gone for a long time, and this speaker is reaching out in his or her mind-in the very selfsame moments that he or she is standing on the bridge with said lover-reaching out in these tangents, broken memories that have no bearing on the other person.
And the poem ENDS that way. In a disturbingly rhetorical question; there is no wish fulfillment. The other person doesn't respend and say: "Yeah. I miss those days. Let's relive them." And even WORSE, you don't hear that person say: "No, I don't want to." You don't hear that other person at all.
It's the vague silence that totally unnerves me about this poem. So depressing.
It feels like this person is in either pause or reverse outside of his or her love for the other.
9/20/2006 c1 jojoba-music-girl
I like the comparison with water in this poem very much! It's not hard to imagine, and very relatable. Though, there is one piece I have some comment on, if you don't mind. To me, it doesn't fit into this poem: "On that empty table We’ll laugh and drink chocolate". To me, it's just somewhat too long, and it doesn't fit into the story to me. But other than that: great poem!
I like the comparison with water in this poem very much! It's not hard to imagine, and very relatable. Though, there is one piece I have some comment on, if you don't mind. To me, it doesn't fit into this poem: "On that empty table We’ll laugh and drink chocolate". To me, it's just somewhat too long, and it doesn't fit into the story to me. But other than that: great poem!