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4/25/2009 c1 1k+Faithless Juliet
Giving the babies names like X, and Y makes me think that there's a third Z on it's way. I got the sense that the mama was pregnant, but that could just be me.

I enjoyed your beginning narration and detail regarding the light, I could see it's shaft carry in through the window.

Much love,

11/4/2006 c1 54kaylajac
Woah. This is good, good, good. I realize we've had quite the fallout in the past, but I'm not being sarcastic, this really is excellent. Write more fiction, pleaseplease, because this is really good. I love some of your details and the vagueness that seems to settle over the imagery. VERY good.
9/18/2006 c1 sothetruthhurts
Trying out a new style, are we?

I hate to break it to you (Hah! Not really!), but no style is going to make your god awful writing seem any better. You can’t hide your lack of talent or lack of higher brain function. Just stop trying. Watching you struggle is almost painful (luckily for me, it’s mostly funny, though).

Anyway, the diction in this sounds stilted. You’re trying too hard to be interesting and philosophical. What you’ve got here is not only boring and extremely trite. It also sounds extremely forced and painfully pseudo-poetic. To put it simply, you are a poser of the poetry world. You need to accept that you are not a poet and you never will be. Some people have got it, most people haven’t. You just don’t have it. So fuck off and quit putting up your pathetic attempts at poetry.

I’d detail all your other shortcomings in this piece, but at the moment I have better things to do than enlighten you.

9/16/2006 c1 6BitterSweet24
Very touching. Heart-achingly beautiful.

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