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for Drowning Up

10/22/2006 c2 5Gilded Coins
What a weird story. Stream of consciousness, isn't it? The rhyming in this chapter surprised me; I wasn't expecting it since it was written as prose. The first chapter was a bit confusing in parts, but perhaps it was meant that way. It still feels as though it could use some editing though. I hope it gets clearer as you add more chapters. I'm not sure what else to say except that I liked this and that this character intrigues me. Keep it up.
10/21/2006 c1 NOT P.TREV


(Obligatory Nietzsche Quote)

My life is shit.

I don't know how else to put it. I don't know how the corporate media overlords want me to put it either. As far as I know, no one can understand my pain. It all began two weeks ago. Me and my boyfriend had just driven back to my Belair mansion from a Queef Kong concert. He was spazzing out on seven tabs of acid and was only capable of quietly succumbing to the later stages of an overdose. His pain was my pain, as is everyone else's. We walked to the front door as he started to mumble something about me. As I listened closely all I could make out was "I don't think this is gonna work out." I was speechless, as I tried to process what had just been spoken to ME. I felt my world go black and later I found that I had run to the seventh floor of my house, trying to shut away all my pain in my humble room (if you can even call it a room. It doesn't even have servant's quarters).

I listened to "The Cure" on my 500,0 dollar sound system and sobbed while I devoured several cartons of rocky road ice cream. Hours passed as I fell deeper into my state of despair. My parents came two hours later and tried to console me by means of money. I knew that that was like trying to put a bandaid over a flesh wound.

No one can understand my pain. It would take millions of poverty stricken Africans, millions of wrongfully convicted citizens, and millions of victims of abuse and neglect and they could still not understand one iota of my endless torment.

My life is shit.
10/18/2006 c1 2M.R.Sanner
creepy ,but I like how this is writen. I really get a feel for the characters mind and how it works . How bleak he must think his life is .

So... he can hear voice , intresting . I hear voices all the time ,except they aren't in my head ,they come from my loud ass family .Lol.

I will continue to read this ,it is very intresting .

Please R&R back ( F,W&K if any please )

write on .

Confuzzld Me
10/17/2006 c1 20carrot101
I thought this little fic of yours was rather a lot of things: deep, emotional, thoughts thrown together, a drabble, confusing, yets understandable ina sorta way.

There were some grammar mistakes in places, and I think that you should have spaced the above paragraphs... makes it easier to read. It was kind of hard to understand, but then again, I understand if you were just writing whatever came to you and you were pouring all your thoughts out. I do that when I'm very angry, but then I delete it all so that no one would ever know about it, but ANYway! I'm sorry if this was actually about you, yourself. You seemed to be very depressed... :( Sounds like everyone thinks you're mental or something.

If this was just something you made up and doesn't come from an actual person's thoughts, then I think that it was good... but you could have done better by making it more orginized and neat... and also a little more CLEARER so the reader has at least has an idea of who these people are and what's going on. Overall, I think that this was interesting! :)
9/20/2006 c1 bluewindfire
wow.. that was strangely sort of deep. just random ramblings off the top of your head? or is it actually about your life?

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