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for this fall's new funk

10/23/2006 c1 24heroin zombie
It's a bit... insubstantial.

Um, specifics... The wind passing through the trees and leaves imagery at the start is a big cliché. The use of brackets is unnecessary and imitative. The & at the start of L4 is pointless. You don't need to make the single word "changing" separate from the rest of the poem, as it doesn't emphasize it as much as it makes it look awkward and kill the rhythm.

But, you know, it wasn't bad.
9/24/2006 c1 63lackluster
the last part reminds me of a tornado, coming. it's wonderful.

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