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for OCD Girl

6/23/2009 c1 1voguesoldier
Hi, thanks for the review!

I've had to get a new account because i cant log into my email to retreive the password

I appreciate everythign youre saying; however when i put the story on here I has asterixes separating the POVs, and they dont show!I apologise again! Jess
4/15/2009 c1 23ChampionBandGeek11
I like the idea and everything but it's very hard to follow because it switches back and forth between different persons... from third to first and then the first persons seem to be from different points of view and it doesn't make sense. Otherwise, I like the idea and it's well written besides that.
9/25/2006 c1 14Judge Jury Executioner
A pretty interesting premise, especially if you've done your homework on OCD and are ready to cover the actual psychology of it. One of the first decent pieces I've seen on FP for some time. The main issue would be the flow I think. The POV switches occur pretty much without warning. I would advise against switching POVs at all, as you run the risk of falling into the bad Dragonball Z fanfic style of

"*Random Name's POV*

I think Equally Random Name is a jerk!

'This anime has no plot! Let's fight for 82 episodes!'

*Equally Random Name's POV*

I also think I am a jerk.

'I concur!'

You get the idea. Stick to one POV.

Also at times, you just switch writing styles. It kinda goes from a straight up 3rd person story telling style to an almost first person related to the audience informal feel. Try to just tell the story. Your writing should bring out enough emotion and explain things enough to make your references like, 'You and I, of course, would happily be able to let someone else into their homes...' unnecesary.

Hope my review was clear and helpful, it may have gotten rambling in there at times. If you want any clarification, shoot me and email and I'll be happy to clarify.

I look foward to future chapters.

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