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5/20/2009 c1 26Mirabella
Impressive! I like how the poem's pace quickened and ket with its rhyme, and then came into nothing 'absence'. Very well done!
10/11/2006 c1 And then it's gone
To be quite honest, I don't like the rhyming. Your use of words is admirable, but the rhyming couplets just don't fit with the piece. I love some of your other pieces, but you seem to have been determined to make this rhyme. I think it may have been better had you decided not to use the couplet format.

I do like your use of words. Your choices and placements of words are impeccable. Well done on that account.
10/3/2006 c1 7Marguerite Mayfair
Hmm...interesting. I like how you've presented this, both visually and verbally, to sort of flesh out your title. It worked out well, though there is one line that sort of bugs me:

"The days thus fade like tales of lore."

Personally, I would change the word 'lore' into 'yore,' as "tales of lore" is somewhat redundant and doesn't quite make as much sense - it's like saying "legends of myths" or "novels of stories." Of course, this is only my opinion.

Overall, it was a good read, and I enjoyed it.

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