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for Dip into the mirror

10/5/2006 c1 crazy dog events
This has definite promise, but there were some things that kind of bothered. The phrase "cry your sapphire drops" seemed pretentious, even cliche, and in some ways the repetition could really be toned down.

I found it interesting that the second line of each stanza mentioned shattered glass/other materials, and to tell you the turh, these lines were my favourite. The first two have this sort of industrial feeling (chemicals/brine/cement) which really worked for me. The third has a natural tone, and the immage of a glass willow, wilting (melted, sort of like blown glas) was gorgeous. The fourth weren't as strong ('shards of lust' is just... guh) and I think it would be interesting if you could parallel the natural feel of the third in the fourth, the way you did with the industrial in the first two.
10/5/2006 c1 4Nehelia Silverlode
Oh...my...gosh...This is absolutly amazing. It's beautiful and full of such emotion! I love it!

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