for Untitled5/30/2010 c1 
2063M2R
Wow you sure write dark stuff. I hate asking, but are you really okay? You sound like you need some serious, and i mean it, SERIOUS counseling. lol.
But I like the last line, 'that the greatest gift in life, is death'.
There's one thing I'd like to throw at you, try not to use so many deep words in your write. Not that it's against the rules or it's affecting the flow, but well... just to appeal to a larger group of audience, try to use less big words.
Actually, it's good to be able to use a wide range of vocabulary in your write itself, but too much just spoils the beauty of it.
One of the other lines I like most was 'I always fail, at everything in which I endeavor. (in which I don't think there's a need to use endeavor. a simpler word that can bring the meaning across is good enough)'
2063M2RWow you sure write dark stuff. I hate asking, but are you really okay? You sound like you need some serious, and i mean it, SERIOUS counseling. lol.
But I like the last line, 'that the greatest gift in life, is death'.
There's one thing I'd like to throw at you, try not to use so many deep words in your write. Not that it's against the rules or it's affecting the flow, but well... just to appeal to a larger group of audience, try to use less big words.
Actually, it's good to be able to use a wide range of vocabulary in your write itself, but too much just spoils the beauty of it.
One of the other lines I like most was 'I always fail, at everything in which I endeavor. (in which I don't think there's a need to use endeavor. a simpler word that can bring the meaning across is good enough)'
7/10/2008 c1 20Twilight Starr
Amazing job. You really told the story well and got into character. I'm impressed. Nice work. Keep writing!
~Twilight Starr~
20Twilight StarrAmazing job. You really told the story well and got into character. I'm impressed. Nice work. Keep writing!
~Twilight Starr~
2/18/2008 c1 5Hoodwynk
I like the desperation of her thoughts, how nothing she does goes right. Hopes leads to desire, which creates goals, which creates a purpose in life, which rises one above the horrors of both life and death. Except, what happens if one loses hope? Just a thought.
5HoodwynkI like the desperation of her thoughts, how nothing she does goes right. Hopes leads to desire, which creates goals, which creates a purpose in life, which rises one above the horrors of both life and death. Except, what happens if one loses hope? Just a thought.
9/22/2007 c1 1SinxWithxAxGrin
Nice use of personification in the beginning *yay i actually learned something in English!* and i really liked the last like "the greatest gift in life, is death" very creepy! I like how you can write good first person fics..i don't know but i can never write them. Nice fic!
1SinxWithxAxGrinNice use of personification in the beginning *yay i actually learned something in English!* and i really liked the last like "the greatest gift in life, is death" very creepy! I like how you can write good first person fics..i don't know but i can never write them. Nice fic!
10/24/2006 c1 14Sooty Wing
I really feel sorry for this gal. I mean, because she never did anything right, she became obsessed with it and began to doubt herself until she couldn't bear to be imperfect anymore. Good.
14Sooty WingI really feel sorry for this gal. I mean, because she never did anything right, she became obsessed with it and began to doubt herself until she couldn't bear to be imperfect anymore. Good.
10/23/2006 c1 Guest
Creepy, in a good way :) The description was amazing, and the way you portray your character's thoughts even more so.
Creepy, in a good way :) The description was amazing, and the way you portray your character's thoughts even more so.
10/8/2006 c1 5SummerWind88
I only needed to read the first line to learn that you are truly talented in your writing. The creativity with your words flowed very well. And his wife...? Sheesh
5SummerWind88I only needed to read the first line to learn that you are truly talented in your writing. The creativity with your words flowed very well. And his wife...? Sheesh
10/7/2006 c1 POedReader
This was really creepy. It had a lot of good poetic lines, and the ending line was really cool too.
P.S. Happy now?
This was really creepy. It had a lot of good poetic lines, and the ending line was really cool too.
P.S. Happy now?