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for Three Kids and I'm the unlucky one!

3/15/2009 c2 surfergirlXxX
awsome begging!
10/25/2007 c2 8Ofir
Okay, so this review will be for the first and second chapters:


The parents yell far too much. Especially the father. It almost seems like an abusive home. And not being able to afford boarding school but giving their kid 40 bucks right off the bat is not realistic. At all.

Your introduction is also weak. Instead of sliding us into the story you just summarize it quickly so you can get on with what you want. Unfortunately, you have to be patient. Give the details that you are uninterested in, but it will lend credit and a sense of professionalism to your story. You need to develop your characters.

And if I had a fifteen year old daughter, I would never (ever) send her to a boy's boarding school. You know what happens there? It's testosterone city. Nothing good can come of it. Also, I very highly doubt that the executive board of the school would permit a girl into their ranks. And the parents would have something to say, too.

But you can make it happen, as long as you state how difficult it was.

If you want to change POV, just put a space. If you story is singlespaced, then you doublespace when you change POV.

Chapter two:

That AIM conversation had some good points and bad ones. There was no "lol" or slang talk. Don't spell all of your words. The misspelled boarding was perfect, though. That's exactly how it should be. To give a specific example:


CharChar101: But i thought u've always wanted to go to a boarding school...and you just had to wait until your parents got enough money.

this should be broken up into two segments. at least when i write on AIM, i'd say

"but i thought u wanted to go to boarding school."

"u said u just had to wait til ur 'rents got enough money"

Something like that.
10/11/2006 c2 zomggnoway
omgkep writing
10/11/2006 c2 7bright-silver-star
sounds good kep up the good work ^_^

10/7/2006 c1 1ConsistentlyxInconsistent
That was just plain flat. It had no detail and there were spelling erros left and right. The plot sounds weird. Try revising it.
10/7/2006 c1 4SweetNSourYo
Hey everyone! thanks for reviewing! I know its not the best or most developed but it was just a thought and the next one will describe everything and whats around her. Thanks for R&R. Also if you have time can you guys R&R my other story "The Girl with The Sharpie Markers" And it has nothing to do with the title...it just had a cool sound lol
10/7/2006 c1 sugardandy
I like the beginning, I can't wait for the next chapter, I hope u write the next one a little longer
10/7/2006 c1 anonymous
It's obvious that you have not spent much time writing this first "chapter." The writing style is very basic and there is no description of the surroundings or the characters or anything at all. I think this story can develop, it does have potential, but I think you should spend much more time revising and adding lots of detail. Keep writing
10/7/2006 c1 7bright-silver-star
well itll be interesting to see what happens when all the boys n that school finally have a girl among them ^^

could u r&r some of my poems if u have time? ^^ thanks


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