for One of Their Own11/8/2006 c3 
87Chaos Apple
Oh, dear, I disagree-this chapter was .very. interesting. Her teacher! forgetting the details of the party! losing her phone and all that information! i can feel that suspense in my bones, babe! I can hardly wait for more of this delicious read.
I saw very few spelling or grammatical errors, and the plot seems to be developing nicely. Great job-update soon.
Alice
87Chaos AppleOh, dear, I disagree-this chapter was .very. interesting. Her teacher! forgetting the details of the party! losing her phone and all that information! i can feel that suspense in my bones, babe! I can hardly wait for more of this delicious read.
I saw very few spelling or grammatical errors, and the plot seems to be developing nicely. Great job-update soon.
Alice
11/4/2006 c2 1Cecilia Underwood
THis chapter is tons better than your first one. Some minor grammar issues, but nothing major or story-killing. I think it would be good to somehow incorporate a little bit more about Alexa (her background besides the drugs, how she got started on all this stuff, yadda yadda yadda) in the next chapter. The other xcharacters are good, and the story is definitely picking up. muy bien, hombre!
1Cecilia UnderwoodTHis chapter is tons better than your first one. Some minor grammar issues, but nothing major or story-killing. I think it would be good to somehow incorporate a little bit more about Alexa (her background besides the drugs, how she got started on all this stuff, yadda yadda yadda) in the next chapter. The other xcharacters are good, and the story is definitely picking up. muy bien, hombre!
10/28/2006 c2 Ahemait
Then began to bite her cheek, I think you should write the "inside" of her cheek.
It was long, but that's good. a lot of dialogue, but that's okay.
Good start, write more.
oh and i think there's a random '6' at the bottom of this chapter.
xoxo cal
Then began to bite her cheek, I think you should write the "inside" of her cheek.
It was long, but that's good. a lot of dialogue, but that's okay.
Good start, write more.
oh and i think there's a random '6' at the bottom of this chapter.
xoxo cal
10/28/2006 c1 Ahemait
hey alex hon! what's up? sorry i haven't been able to return your review until now, but better late than never, right? i can't belive you deleted everything!
review
Before the murders I had a good heart. Now, I don’t have one.
i like this line, however, i think you should add "now i don't have one AT ALL." it gives it more feelings, i guess. Well in my opinion.
okay, i really liked this intro. it seriosuly got me hooked in the beginning. however, i can't say the same about the last two paragraphs. they seem out of place.
hey alex hon! what's up? sorry i haven't been able to return your review until now, but better late than never, right? i can't belive you deleted everything!
review
Before the murders I had a good heart. Now, I don’t have one.
i like this line, however, i think you should add "now i don't have one AT ALL." it gives it more feelings, i guess. Well in my opinion.
okay, i really liked this intro. it seriosuly got me hooked in the beginning. however, i can't say the same about the last two paragraphs. they seem out of place.