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1/1/2007 c1 4Sakka-Fenikkusu
I love your style. This was quite a pleasing read - I applaud you. But I have a suggestion.

As I was reading this story, I wondered why it had no reviews. Surely such a well-written story deserved a little feedback? I found my answer quickly.

Most of the paragraphs are ten to twenty sentences long (and your words, like mine, usually flow in very long sentences). Big blocks of text like this are intimidating to most readers. Try to make each paragraph have a limit of 6-7 sentences, and it'll be easier on the eyes, while you'll also get more reviews.

All in all, this work is deserving of praise. Your imagery is not laid on too heavily, poetic while not drawing from what you're saying. The one line of dialogue you've placed here says a lot. Your characters are rich and believeable, and the tale ends with a hint of mystery. Keep it up.

Sakka-Fenikkusu

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