for ever after12/30/2012 c1 RedPenScrip
I am RedPenScrip, and here is my review:
I'll be quick to say I really did not want to read your story when I saw your title and summary. They were not bad in the sense that they were cliche or dull, only that they lacked proper capitalization. However, luckily I did check your piece out and was glad to see you knew how to correctly capitalize. The snipits at the beginning and end are interesting elements, as well as how you seperated this into acts. Some of your sentences seemed rather...wordy, such as your second sentence. I would suggest being a bit more terse or trying to have end points. End sentences where they might end if someone was saying them. Think of it as someone reading them aloud, only to take a breath at a period. Also, always check your work before publishing for mistakes in grammar and spelling (*enroll). Other than that, the concept of your piece was good and I have no other complaint with your story other than writing 'flaws'.
I am RedPenScrip, and here is my review:
I'll be quick to say I really did not want to read your story when I saw your title and summary. They were not bad in the sense that they were cliche or dull, only that they lacked proper capitalization. However, luckily I did check your piece out and was glad to see you knew how to correctly capitalize. The snipits at the beginning and end are interesting elements, as well as how you seperated this into acts. Some of your sentences seemed rather...wordy, such as your second sentence. I would suggest being a bit more terse or trying to have end points. End sentences where they might end if someone was saying them. Think of it as someone reading them aloud, only to take a breath at a period. Also, always check your work before publishing for mistakes in grammar and spelling (*enroll). Other than that, the concept of your piece was good and I have no other complaint with your story other than writing 'flaws'.
7/22/2008 c1 
54Nausikaa
Oh, this is absolutely beautiful. I swear I felt a shiver pass through me as I read the lines of poetry at the bottom. Brilliant work, very moving.
54NausikaaOh, this is absolutely beautiful. I swear I felt a shiver pass through me as I read the lines of poetry at the bottom. Brilliant work, very moving.
2/22/2008 c1 12elisefey
Wow. That was really wonderful. Poetic and moving. I love the way you used the relationship with the father and how dancing becomes sterile for her over time. The loss in that is beautiful and makes the relief at the end very powerful.
12elisefeyWow. That was really wonderful. Poetic and moving. I love the way you used the relationship with the father and how dancing becomes sterile for her over time. The loss in that is beautiful and makes the relief at the end very powerful.
2/26/2007 c1 Zephy
Gorgeous.
Gorgeous.