for janitor to aisle 76/11/2011 c1 self-fulfilling prophecy
beautiful and simple.
clinical, detached, cold - yet heartwrenching.
masterfully done.
beautiful and simple.
clinical, detached, cold - yet heartwrenching.
masterfully done.
5/24/2008 c1 
6Hed in the Cloudz
I love the tone, and the relative strangeness that comes with it. It sounds like a normal announcement, and yet it's powerful enough to leave you thinking. Good job!
For some reason, though, the fact that it's "this" woman who has come undone seems out of place to me. It's not as disconnected as an announcer would be, and oddly specific, given that you don't much describe the woman later in the poem.
-Yna, from the Review Marathon (see the link in my profile!)
6Hed in the CloudzI love the tone, and the relative strangeness that comes with it. It sounds like a normal announcement, and yet it's powerful enough to leave you thinking. Good job!
For some reason, though, the fact that it's "this" woman who has come undone seems out of place to me. It's not as disconnected as an announcer would be, and oddly specific, given that you don't much describe the woman later in the poem.
-Yna, from the Review Marathon (see the link in my profile!)
12/10/2006 c1 24crimsonfirefly27
neat.
i like how it's themed. not many would be able to portray beauty from a cleaning staff. i can vivdly imagine it happening.
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown. -frou frou
24crimsonfirefly27neat.
i like how it's themed. not many would be able to portray beauty from a cleaning staff. i can vivdly imagine it happening.
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown. -frou frou
11/14/2006 c1 bipedalcooney
A very interesting poem, very creative. I like this. Unique and well done. Keep writing.
A very interesting poem, very creative. I like this. Unique and well done. Keep writing.
11/11/2006 c1 ode to a firefly
Witty and ironically funny...but, unfortunately, all too true.
♥Christine
Witty and ironically funny...but, unfortunately, all too true.
♥Christine
10/27/2006 c1 11Chemically Induced
this is rather amazing. the contrast between what is said and how it is said is masterful, such an ironic delivery. tragic truth: the best truth there is. i kind of wished it were longer, but that would endanger the force if the poem. very well done.:) and sad :(
love, c.induced.
11Chemically Inducedthis is rather amazing. the contrast between what is said and how it is said is masterful, such an ironic delivery. tragic truth: the best truth there is. i kind of wished it were longer, but that would endanger the force if the poem. very well done.:) and sad :(
love, c.induced.
10/26/2006 c1 24Penguins and Popsicles
That made me smile. And I mean the creativity and not the content. The content borders on depressing. You clearly expressed yourself and your style, so there's no need for me to critique on other areas. =3 Good job.
~Mimi
24Penguins and PopsiclesThat made me smile. And I mean the creativity and not the content. The content borders on depressing. You clearly expressed yourself and your style, so there's no need for me to critique on other areas. =3 Good job.
~Mimi
10/26/2006 c1 17sunday night sky
This is so beautiful. Very original. I'm really impressed :) It's so sad, but at the same time, almost comical [not the poem, the actual subject] - the way that humanity tries to sweep it under the carpet, telling people to 'step around her' and 'the cleaning staff has been alerted'. It's so clinical. But true to life. Does that make sense? Ah well. I love all of this! Faves :D
17sunday night skyThis is so beautiful. Very original. I'm really impressed :) It's so sad, but at the same time, almost comical [not the poem, the actual subject] - the way that humanity tries to sweep it under the carpet, telling people to 'step around her' and 'the cleaning staff has been alerted'. It's so clinical. But true to life. Does that make sense? Ah well. I love all of this! Faves :D
10/23/2006 c1 2Dorkie
I can see this happening, because that is how it goes: people just kind of ignore your problems, "step around" them.
2DorkieI can see this happening, because that is how it goes: people just kind of ignore your problems, "step around" them.
10/19/2006 c1 a lonely september
this is one of those subtly painful poems. nice metaphorsimilie thing. a girl breaking down, just ignore her. it'll be alright. nicely written. you have a unique sense of poetry. & i like it.
this is one of those subtly painful poems. nice metaphorsimilie thing. a girl breaking down, just ignore her. it'll be alright. nicely written. you have a unique sense of poetry. & i like it.
10/19/2006 c1 93Venustas iaceo
I like it. Breaking down in public places is the worst, and people usually do just walk past you and ignore it. It's like you aren't worth paying attention to.
93Venustas iaceoI like it. Breaking down in public places is the worst, and people usually do just walk past you and ignore it. It's like you aren't worth paying attention to.