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10/19/2006 c1 37Fujimi
Good job.

The beginning had a lot of wordy-ness to it, but the descriptions made it seem more real, so it balanced out. I liked especially the subject at hand, and how the protagonist seems to be hovering between memories and reality. It’s tough to write about that blurry line between the two, but you did a good job portraying it by incorporating the memories into the person’s head and playing them out like it was reality, if that makes any sense. And the memories themselves were nice—the kind of thing that anybody could recall when on the brink of death, which I think the protagonist is on.

The ending was a little confusing, and I had to reread it slowly to understand what was going on, but I now that I understand, I think that it’s excellent. You end the story with the person still seemingly stuck in a dream-like state, not being able to diverge between reality and what is really happening, even though they sort of understand that they need to live in these memories.

So, overall, I enjoyed reading and trying to understand all of the meanings that could come from it. It’s sort of like a mirage, or the protagonist is in a mirage, the way that it’s played out, and I think that’s really cool. So, as said at the beginning, excellent job . . . ^^

Mata ne,

不死身

Fujimi

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