for Hot Days11/27/2006 c1 
23Forever Forbidden
Oh. The essence of the poem is very fluid and the abstract pictures and phrases paint a clear picture in the reader's mind. The repetition at the end is an extra zinger, and adds more to the overall effect of the piece. Well done.
One little thing is, perhaps elaborate a bit more about "her" and "her friend". While it is intriguing, it leaves the reader wondering and a bit puzzled. If this was the intended effect, you've done this very well. I know that from your writing style on this poem that vaguery is done one purpose, yet a bit more detail on that aspect wouldn't hurt.
-Helen
PS How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?
23Forever ForbiddenOh. The essence of the poem is very fluid and the abstract pictures and phrases paint a clear picture in the reader's mind. The repetition at the end is an extra zinger, and adds more to the overall effect of the piece. Well done.
One little thing is, perhaps elaborate a bit more about "her" and "her friend". While it is intriguing, it leaves the reader wondering and a bit puzzled. If this was the intended effect, you've done this very well. I know that from your writing style on this poem that vaguery is done one purpose, yet a bit more detail on that aspect wouldn't hurt.
-Helen
PS How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?