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for The Day of Black Fire

4/9/2007 c1 56felicia13
"After buying a dozen dates" Yes, I know what dates are. It still made me laugh. A dozen dates ... *giggles*

Wow. That was incredibly sad. But also great in a weird sort of way. Like the way stained flagstones can still be elegant in a room even though you know what it is that stained them over and over in years past. In that sort of way.

Yeah. Rambling. But the point is that I liked it. Will there be another chapter to tell about what happened to her after she escaped and where she went? If there's not, it's ok because this is great standing alone. If so ... I'd like to know.

(In January, you sent me two reviews. I'm thanking you for them now. *winces* Sorry for the long, long wait. Cardboard Christmas: Yes. The general census is that it's really depressing. It's true. I felt depressed when I wrote it, so ... thanks for the review. The Wandering Prophet of Pylesville: Thanks! There's nothing to get in the title. Pylesville is merely where I go to school (a small nowhere place defined by a traffic circle and three schools in close proximity). I felt it was appropriate. Thanks again for both of them!)

10/23/2006 c1 16brokendreams21
Hm. Realistic. I remembered reading this a couple weeks ago. You have good detail. Because of the narration style, it WAS a bit...funny. I dunno why; I know it's not supposed to be. I just loved the use of the word 'merrily.' That made me laugh. ^.^ Good job...Oops. Almost typed your name there. Forgive me.

Great job! Keep up the good work!
10/22/2006 c1 8Lord-of-Fools
There are a couple of flaws in this story which I guess I'll go into first... for starters the date. It was AD 79 by the Roman Calendar because that's a Christian dating system, from the death of Christ. As Rome wasn't Christian until the time of Constantine, they dated from the founding of Rome, making it 832. Also August 24 is the date of the event in the Gregorian Calender, which wasn't actually invented until that 14th century. This story lacks emotional quality, which is important when describing the loss of one's entire home, indeed, most of the people there too- imagine how you would feel if your town was destroyed in a sudden, cataclysmic event and none of your friends survived, and try to describe the feelings.

On the other hand, your account of the eruption and description of life in Pompeii was quite accurate. Not sure how Latin a name like 'Shana' is, but I've never learned the language, so I don't know. There's a great philosophy most writers use called 'show don't tell' meaning you don't tell the reader what to think, or what the character is feeling; you illustrate it with your words.

Still, this wasn't bad and has a lot of potential :)

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