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6/22/2007 c1 14its.Nothing.Special
Okay, you've got some really BRILLIANT lines in there. Like, the "guns in mouth, blades on skin" and a couple phrases after that. Absolutely gold and awesome and...wow. Those made me choke on my spit. The emotion in those lines..so so POWERFUL. Yeah.

One thing I didn't like about the poem was: "Oh, and did you bring some gummy bears during my wake?" My mouth literally dropped at that one, and I swear I stared at that line for like ten seconds. :P It just didn't..fit with the rest of the poem, and I think it honestly just took me out of the writing. Sorry if that sounds mean, but reading from the beginning, I KNOW you can get around that one and startle me with your brilliance once more.

The poem had a few ups and downs, but I loved it all the same. Lot of talent you've got there. :DD


6/21/2007 c1 10blue.eyes.can.be.deceiving
this is so sad.

But beautiful, and again TOUCHING.

i don't know how in the world you can do that, and you have extreme talent.! EXTREME. seriously, I have no idea how you do that, but it's great, have you ever been published? like in a book, if you haven't I'm sure a magazine would take your work, seriously, it is awesome!

6/17/2007 c1 6McQuinn
Okay...so. I absolutely *loved* the first part. It was so strong, so intense. Your words were like bullets - almost like harsh reproaches. It was very dark and filled with awesome lines like "So now, take the chains and the hawser." Awesome.

But then it turned all lovey-dovey and the rhyming seemed a bit too forced. I disliked the sudden change of mood from reproach and darkness to a depression caused by lost love. It was like the two different sections were melded together from two different poems.

"It started to get awesome again here:

This is how it has been

Guns in mouths, blades on skin,

nooses around necks' shafts,

and bodies down the steep bluffs

Strength means pain and love is hate"

Nothing I type here will be even remotely similar to the praise I have for these lines in my mind. The way you just weave them together is incredible.

The last section seems out of place, too. First of all, gummy bears? When I read that, I was like "What the fuck?" You just got done writing the most serious couple of lines I've read on fictionpress to date, and you comment on gummy bears at your wake? Completely out of place, like it's supposed to be in another poem (one that's silly and not nearly as good as this).

I feel like the last lines could possibly be stronger. The repetition of "always be" and "been" is kind of confusing, and I had a difficult time understanding what you meant.

The sections I liked were AWESOME. The sections I didn't like seemed out of place. I dunno. That's it. :p

11/27/2006 c1 1Dots Mgeez
nice poem
10/31/2006 c1 criti-sized
Okay, I have to first admit that I'm suffering from a slight hangover while I'm writing this review, so you have to excuse me if my words come out abrupt.

For this, I had to read it forward and backwards to get a real grip on it. Though it was very nice, I felt there was a lack of something in it to fully give the effect of it. I honesly liked the piece for the meaning of it, but it failed to pull me into it. And I feel that pieces that are supposed to be poetic in any type of sense should pull people in, especially because so many people lack the want and patience to read poetry in the fullness it deserves.

But other than that, like I said, it was very nice.

10/29/2006 c1 1Mosaic Stains
A very nice piece this is, each wording carries a potent meaning of significance within it. An the portrait of a broken heart through demise was a great touch.

I especially like the lines: "The things you told me are just additional clays

"to be put on my grave, on my eternal resting place

"Forever I'll be in there, with misery and ache"

This depicts a caressing matter of the heart and half blundered emotions.
10/29/2006 c1 89Lady DreamWriter
Wow, I must say that I can really relate to this piece. I've learned that if someone leaves you, someone better is going to come along. I love the powerful words and emotions that you put in this very personal-sounding piece.
10/29/2006 c1 Walking Catastrophe
Wow, that's sad. I love the rhyming and the depiction and the line, "Oh, and did you bring some gummy bears during my wake?". Beautiful.
10/29/2006 c1 1n-Iceness
The hurt behind the pain of leting someone you love go. You've worded it brilliantly...
10/29/2006 c1 1Aurora Spiderdust
Amazing. I loved the rhymes and images in the poem.

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