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for Wander to the bus stop

1/29/2007 c1 66WonderWing
Your reading makes me feel like I am in an altered state of consciousness. It doesn't seem to act like normal poetry, where the poet attempts to explain a feeling. Instead, it's as if you're trying to show us a new way of thought. It's incredibly intelligent and full of thought, that much I can discern, and extrememly effective in describing the scenes of this piece. Almost like reading a book. Again I am amazed with your work =)
1/26/2007 c1 11Leylique Morrow
Not the best-written, but I love it because it is written in poetic thought-process style. I was able to visualize everything, including the blur between imagined and real fears, because I think like this when I'm alone.

Your work is very easy to relate to. It is probably this that makes it so praiseworthy, in spite of its flaws.


A note to your other reviewers: "Ally" is a reference to the fabled alligators that live in the sewers. Duh.
1/20/2007 c1 sita loire
Wow, this is incredible. I'm not much one for poetry on fictionpress, but your work might make me reconsider. This is utterly beautiful, and utterly true.
1/1/2007 c1 134emeraude-irlandais
A rare breed, this poem- not for quality (though it is a fairly decent piece), but for length and style. I've always had a soft spot for repetition, so forgive my bias in critiquing. :) Yes, I read your profile, and I fully agree with you. On many levels, this poem isn't my forte- too personal, too earthly. It's believable, and there's nothing truly extraordinary occurring in the duration, only brief flashes of memories and their impact upon our actions. I hope you soon decide to continue posting (I was going to say 'writing', but how should I know if you're still writing or not?)- phrases like "green-dried beggar weeds" and "grape vines on the palm trees" illustrate that you do have talent, which shouldn't be wasted. :) `~bella~`
12/16/2006 c1 306Ashelin
I am being completely honest when I say that I really didn't like that poem all that well. Though I won't determine your talent on one poem, I didn't really like the "glancing nervously at the DITCH/WOODS". It seemed really weird to have that slash there. The "skirt" and "dirt" lines rhymed, but nothing else did, so that was kind of odd to, but that one didn't really matter. I liked the "the punks skate there and stick cigarettes in mother mary's mouth" but the format where you have sentances beginning and ending everywhere was somewhat annoying. I think that is just me though, and you were just trying to keep it all flowing. I'm not sure what the "Ally" reference was to, but that doesn't matter either, probably me being ignorant in some fashion. Highly annoying, I know. It was alright overall, just not what I like to read.


And thank you very much for your honesty in your review. I actually do mostly free form poetry, I just felt like rhyming today. Thank you again.
12/14/2006 c1 zions dreamer
good imagery its fresh thats why its so appealing However with the repetition of events the shoes and shirt the don't seem deliberate enough their is some good thought going on but needs better structure the outcome is that the very powerful emotions fear and beauty etc blah blah :)get stuck in the mud and what you were trying to portray loses its color and grip avoid clich├ęs it degrades the beautiful awakening of a new idea in your writing we get stuck in the things we know screams the mind as an example I really know how hard it is to bring across the emotion of the thoughts that bore this piece in particular but keep up the work because if you straitened it out it could be quite a refreshingly creative piece a very famous man once said if you do something that is wrong never admit it to polite society it may just end up the fashion just keep swiming!
12/13/2006 c1 463All Alone With Her Thoughts
I love this. You capture the emotion and feeling perfectly.

Thanks for the review.

11/12/2006 c1 crazy dog events
This poem sort of barrels down the page, and for the most part I really like that. There were a few things that could be tightened up; the whole thing about the Ally seemed kind of vague, and I kept wondering, "does she mean 'alley?' because that would make sense and be a pretty interesting personification." but realized that probably wasn't it and so was all the more confused for it. But one the whole, the kind of frantic, nervous tic-like feeling of this is well done.
11/11/2006 c1 871no.peace.los.angeles
Wow, I love the flow of this. Seriously, it has this stream-of-consciousness feel to it, and that's just wonderful. My favorite type of poem. The way you play with words and sounds and images is amazing. There's too much great stuff in this poem to pick out specifics. Beautiful work. Keep writing! :)
11/11/2006 c1 Jenny Rebel
Wow... this is so amazingly beautiful
10/30/2006 c1 3Ezekiel-the-Hunted
You certainly know how to capture the paranoia and fear a person feels while wandering around in the very early morning, especially when no one else has shown up at the bus stop.

Great work!

10/29/2006 c1 879Moondog Dozier
You paint with such a specific brush that the scenes become vivid, not only through sight, but in acquainting the reader with the feel of the scene. I like how this is a selected moment that is disected through self-observation, or the observation of the speaker. This expresses the title well, and surpasses it by bringing the everyday occurrence into such relevance that the reader can not help, but relate to it through the descriptions, like, "green-dried beggar weeds", And "grape vines on the palm trees". These are approachable images, ones that the reader not only identifies with, but has experienced, therefore shaping the scene all the more. This is a wonderful rolling snapshot, and as for your request in my review, I would be honored. MD:77.
10/29/2006 c1 I'm Not On This Site
I absolutely love it! I read it out loud to myself, and it sounds wonderful. It makes me scared just reading it.
10/29/2006 c1 56felicia13
That was a bit unexpected. Honestly, it was so hard to follow that it was captivating. The kind of 'Vertigo' thing that you have to see/read so many times over just to understand who the characters are.

But it's daring and risky and I like it.

Specifically, I can't pick parts out of it. The whole thing just flowed into itself and made that whole picture with fragments of thought. Like jotting down whatever you were thinking at the time about the poem. Honestly, it's refreshing.


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