for the family secret2/27/2009 c2 
1Phoenix Octavia Bright
(Hello, I'm busy reviewing everyone who reviewed my cinderella story, and that's how I came to this story of yours)
I liked the beginning of your story which led me to read the second chapter, but then it got a bit harder to read for me.
Don't get me wrong, I like the lay-out, but if you computer-read it, your audience is more likely to lose interest half way and never finish reading the story, let alone stay loyal to it.
I would suggest making your blocks of text a bit smaller (maybe in half) so it's easier to read. All in all I noticed a few grammatical mistakes.
I liked the chapter but I still don't really know who the S8 team is (not really), just how they act / are. So I don't know if you can call it character building, but that's my opinion.
The story seems great though, and getting more and more interesting till chapter 4 where they get lost (cliffhanger), and I would say nice job and keep it up.
PB
1Phoenix Octavia Bright(Hello, I'm busy reviewing everyone who reviewed my cinderella story, and that's how I came to this story of yours)
I liked the beginning of your story which led me to read the second chapter, but then it got a bit harder to read for me.
Don't get me wrong, I like the lay-out, but if you computer-read it, your audience is more likely to lose interest half way and never finish reading the story, let alone stay loyal to it.
I would suggest making your blocks of text a bit smaller (maybe in half) so it's easier to read. All in all I noticed a few grammatical mistakes.
I liked the chapter but I still don't really know who the S8 team is (not really), just how they act / are. So I don't know if you can call it character building, but that's my opinion.
The story seems great though, and getting more and more interesting till chapter 4 where they get lost (cliffhanger), and I would say nice job and keep it up.
PB
2/4/2008 c2 6LadyOfLiterature
I love this character building chapter. I think you flesh out your characters really well. Can't wait to see what happens! x
6LadyOfLiteratureI love this character building chapter. I think you flesh out your characters really well. Can't wait to see what happens! x
2/20/2007 c1 Sarah
just finished reading this one for the second time.. and the feeling's brilliant.. nicely-paced, the plot gets more and more intriguing everytime.. continue!
just finished reading this one for the second time.. and the feeling's brilliant.. nicely-paced, the plot gets more and more intriguing everytime.. continue!
11/27/2006 c1 Tessa
Love love love the characters... Especially Cameron. A bit confusing at first, but then it's as if reading a published book. U must continue it! Please continue it and tell me when it's done OK? I must know who killed the rich guy!
Love love love the characters... Especially Cameron. A bit confusing at first, but then it's as if reading a published book. U must continue it! Please continue it and tell me when it's done OK? I must know who killed the rich guy!