for OneHundredandOneThemes12/8/2006 c51 crazy dog events
"We aren't individuals, merely a group racing against time/fighting nobody but the sun" is lovely.
"We aren't individuals, merely a group racing against time/fighting nobody but the sun" is lovely.
12/8/2006 c49 crazy dog events
"never once thinking that maybe art wasn't always about chance;" Yes, Yes. People should remember that.
The first to last line seems a bit strange. I can't firgure out what it is. It feels somehow overly formal, though it's not. It's just sound awkward in the flow of the piece.
"never once thinking that maybe art wasn't always about chance;" Yes, Yes. People should remember that.
The first to last line seems a bit strange. I can't firgure out what it is. It feels somehow overly formal, though it's not. It's just sound awkward in the flow of the piece.
12/8/2006 c46 crazy dog events
This could be fleshed out a bit. I'd love to see little scenes throughout this imaginary lifetime. It falls kind of flat as it is- I can't really connect to it or SEE it.
This could be fleshed out a bit. I'd love to see little scenes throughout this imaginary lifetime. It falls kind of flat as it is- I can't really connect to it or SEE it.
12/8/2006 c43 crazy dog events
The message is clear, the writing is fine, but... it's just a bit boring. Add some imagery, or someatt.
The message is clear, the writing is fine, but... it's just a bit boring. Add some imagery, or someatt.
12/8/2006 c42 crazy dog events
By all rights, the amount of repetition in this poem should piss me off, but it doesn't. I GET what you're trying to do, and it actually works.
By all rights, the amount of repetition in this poem should piss me off, but it doesn't. I GET what you're trying to do, and it actually works.
12/8/2006 c41 crazy dog events
I have absolutely NO IDEA what this is about. Is Danger Island some sort of game?
I have absolutely NO IDEA what this is about. Is Danger Island some sort of game?
12/8/2006 c40 crazy dog events
I would have done something completely different with this prompt, so it's cool to see what you've made of it. I usually can't stand it when people run their words together, but here it works, because I can actually see WHY you did it. It's not just some random, pretentious style choice.
I would have done something completely different with this prompt, so it's cool to see what you've made of it. I usually can't stand it when people run their words together, but here it works, because I can actually see WHY you did it. It's not just some random, pretentious style choice.
12/8/2006 c39 crazy dog events
pretty imagery, and as far as a dream poem it works. For the most part it's hard to work with dreams, because they rarely mean anything to anyone other than yourself, but this is okay, for what it is.
pretty imagery, and as far as a dream poem it works. For the most part it's hard to work with dreams, because they rarely mean anything to anyone other than yourself, but this is okay, for what it is.
12/8/2006 c38 crazy dog events
Reminds me of a Bright Eyes song (yeah, guilty pleasure, much?), in which Connor Oberst sings "into the caverns of tomorrow, with just our flashlights and our love, we must plunge, we must plunge, we must plunge." I don't know if the similarity was intentional, and I'm not sure I care.
I liked this. it's short, but effective.
Reminds me of a Bright Eyes song (yeah, guilty pleasure, much?), in which Connor Oberst sings "into the caverns of tomorrow, with just our flashlights and our love, we must plunge, we must plunge, we must plunge." I don't know if the similarity was intentional, and I'm not sure I care.
I liked this. it's short, but effective.
12/8/2006 c37 crazy dog events
Melodramatic. And I kind of hate the word 'orbs' because I've seen it in so much bad fp fic (which I guess is really my problem, not yours.) But yeah, I'm going to be a bitch and say you can do better than this. A lot better. I've seen it.
Melodramatic. And I kind of hate the word 'orbs' because I've seen it in so much bad fp fic (which I guess is really my problem, not yours.) But yeah, I'm going to be a bitch and say you can do better than this. A lot better. I've seen it.
12/8/2006 c36 crazy dog events
Usually I would say 'Cliche! get rid of the cliche, you stoopid Hor!' regarding the diamond and caged bird metaphors, but they actually worked here. Fancy that. love the saucepan imagery, for some reason.
Usually I would say 'Cliche! get rid of the cliche, you stoopid Hor!' regarding the diamond and caged bird metaphors, but they actually worked here. Fancy that. love the saucepan imagery, for some reason.
12/8/2006 c35 crazy dog events
I think this could do with a bit of expanding. It doesn'thave much punch. I really liked the first two lines (there was a ferris wheel in town, and I just missed it, so the imagery is 'yay!' for me, right now) but I don't think you really put enough of the emotion into it. You tried, with the last three lines, but I would like to see something a bit more powerful.
I think this could do with a bit of expanding. It doesn'thave much punch. I really liked the first two lines (there was a ferris wheel in town, and I just missed it, so the imagery is 'yay!' for me, right now) but I don't think you really put enough of the emotion into it. You tried, with the last three lines, but I would like to see something a bit more powerful.
12/8/2006 c34 crazy dog events
My french has declined so badly that I really had to work to understand this, so I can't really begin to critique this. And.. I'm assuming 'coeurscognerlentment' is a typo. Because it will make me feel better for going 'wtf?' I know what 'coeurs' is, but the second bit had me scratching my head.
My french has declined so badly that I really had to work to understand this, so I can't really begin to critique this. And.. I'm assuming 'coeurscognerlentment' is a typo. Because it will make me feel better for going 'wtf?' I know what 'coeurs' is, but the second bit had me scratching my head.
12/8/2006 c33 crazy dog events
bittersweet and very pretty. The first two lines hooked me wonderfully, and the rest really held up.
bittersweet and very pretty. The first two lines hooked me wonderfully, and the rest really held up.