for OneHundredandOneThemes11/27/2006 c28 crazy dog events
I like this one. It was nice ot catch the tiny rhyme in the first stanza. Over all this had a nice rhythm, and... well, In general, I just liked it.
I like this one. It was nice ot catch the tiny rhyme in the first stanza. Over all this had a nice rhythm, and... well, In general, I just liked it.
11/27/2006 c26 crazy dog events
This is the only one of your poems where i have to go "NO. NO. NO."
Really cliche, overly dramatic. I hate to use the label, but it's emo poetry.
This is the only one of your poems where i have to go "NO. NO. NO."
Really cliche, overly dramatic. I hate to use the label, but it's emo poetry.
11/27/2006 c24 crazy dog events
I really like the format for this. The subject is nothing special, and some of the writing makes me blink (scent of you eyes?) but for the most part it's pretty well done.
I really like the format for this. The subject is nothing special, and some of the writing makes me blink (scent of you eyes?) but for the most part it's pretty well done.
11/27/2006 c23 crazy dog events
I really like this. Without reading the title, you still get that it's a cat, but it's not 'pet poetry.' My first thought was 'fairy' for some reason, and it does have this slightly dreamy quality.
I really like this. Without reading the title, you still get that it's a cat, but it's not 'pet poetry.' My first thought was 'fairy' for some reason, and it does have this slightly dreamy quality.
11/27/2006 c22 crazy dog events
Things celestial seem to be a theme with you.The last three lines were pretty good; the beginning was sort o frun of the mill 'heavenly bodies' poetry. No worries, I've fallen victim to it before.
Things celestial seem to be a theme with you.The last three lines were pretty good; the beginning was sort o frun of the mill 'heavenly bodies' poetry. No worries, I've fallen victim to it before.
11/27/2006 c21 crazy dog events
It doesn't feel significant- that's the only problem I have with this. In some ways it's too personal, too strictly (seemingly) autobiographical, that it doesn't have a lasting effect. THe writing is technically good, but it doesn't strike any particular chord in me.
It doesn't feel significant- that's the only problem I have with this. In some ways it's too personal, too strictly (seemingly) autobiographical, that it doesn't have a lasting effect. THe writing is technically good, but it doesn't strike any particular chord in me.
11/26/2006 c19 crazy dog events
Really quite lovely. I don't really have any complaints about this one. The big middle block was pretty wonderful.
Really quite lovely. I don't really have any complaints about this one. The big middle block was pretty wonderful.
11/26/2006 c18 crazy dog events
I was going to say 'Wow, really really great job, no complaints!' and then I came across the last three lines. They just seemed silly, like a little add-on. Forced wit, and it really doesn't work.
Egh. I liked it up until then.
I was going to say 'Wow, really really great job, no complaints!' and then I came across the last three lines. They just seemed silly, like a little add-on. Forced wit, and it really doesn't work.
Egh. I liked it up until then.
11/26/2006 c16 crazy dog events
For themost part I really liked this, but reasding it I get the idea that you either don't give yourself enough credit, or you don't give your readers enough credit. Take, for instance, the bit about the red smear on the washcloth; it's not hard to deduce what you mean, because you've already set up the affair in the preceding lines. You don't need to say 'as if you had wiped makeup off your face' because we GET that from the imagery. You do almost the same thing in lines 7-9. You don't need line 8. It's redundant, because you've already set up the stunted feel of the conversation, and we get re-inforcement of that in line 10. If there were something really special about ln. 9, I'd say keep it, but there isn't, so it just sounds superfluous.
Alright, other than that? this was really nice. It just nees to be pared down a bit.
For themost part I really liked this, but reasding it I get the idea that you either don't give yourself enough credit, or you don't give your readers enough credit. Take, for instance, the bit about the red smear on the washcloth; it's not hard to deduce what you mean, because you've already set up the affair in the preceding lines. You don't need to say 'as if you had wiped makeup off your face' because we GET that from the imagery. You do almost the same thing in lines 7-9. You don't need line 8. It's redundant, because you've already set up the stunted feel of the conversation, and we get re-inforcement of that in line 10. If there were something really special about ln. 9, I'd say keep it, but there isn't, so it just sounds superfluous.
Alright, other than that? this was really nice. It just nees to be pared down a bit.
11/26/2006 c15 crazy dog events
I would get rid of 'like ice' at the ending, becausei t seems redundant and is pretty cliche. You've got some good imagery here. Line two needs some punctuation. Tis isn't my favourite, but it does its ob.
I would get rid of 'like ice' at the ending, becausei t seems redundant and is pretty cliche. You've got some good imagery here. Line two needs some punctuation. Tis isn't my favourite, but it does its ob.
11/26/2006 c14 crazy dog events
I think the section in italics is kind of a cop-out. I have one thing to say: show, don't tell. We know that the smile disgust the speaker, and it would be better pulled off if you can show us through his actions that her smile is 'like sunshine' to him. Jumping to his perspective seems cheap, like a kind of easy way out.
I think the section in italics is kind of a cop-out. I have one thing to say: show, don't tell. We know that the smile disgust the speaker, and it would be better pulled off if you can show us through his actions that her smile is 'like sunshine' to him. Jumping to his perspective seems cheap, like a kind of easy way out.
11/17/2006 c19 
871no.peace.los.angeles
Wow. Okay, first of all? Those two haikus are AMAZING. I think you should totally pluck those out and put them as separate poems on your account, because you'd totally get a whole lot of reviews (or at least I think they deserve a whole lot of reviews because they're that good). I love that you managed to put two haikus in this. The format you have it in makes things a bit difficult to read, but I can understand it. As for the rest of the poem, also wonderful. Great use of color and description. Beautiful. And may I say that I usually use prompts when I'm writing. I have a couple of tables for fiction, and I'll pick random words and use them to come up with an idea. Definitely works if you're having a brain fart. Keep writing! :)
871no.peace.los.angelesWow. Okay, first of all? Those two haikus are AMAZING. I think you should totally pluck those out and put them as separate poems on your account, because you'd totally get a whole lot of reviews (or at least I think they deserve a whole lot of reviews because they're that good). I love that you managed to put two haikus in this. The format you have it in makes things a bit difficult to read, but I can understand it. As for the rest of the poem, also wonderful. Great use of color and description. Beautiful. And may I say that I usually use prompts when I'm writing. I have a couple of tables for fiction, and I'll pick random words and use them to come up with an idea. Definitely works if you're having a brain fart. Keep writing! :)
11/17/2006 c18 no.peace.los.angeles
OMG, the ending of his is really hilarious. I don't know if it was intended to be funny, but it really is. I love how I get this image of someone walking up a hill carrying all this stuff. That's great. It's like a fable! Wow. Impressive. Keep writing! :)
OMG, the ending of his is really hilarious. I don't know if it was intended to be funny, but it really is. I love how I get this image of someone walking up a hill carrying all this stuff. That's great. It's like a fable! Wow. Impressive. Keep writing! :)
11/17/2006 c17 no.peace.los.angeles
Ooh, an acrostic. It's been awhile since I've read one of these. (I think the last one I "read" was one I wrote, lol.) This is really nice. If you wouldn't have bolded the first letters, I probably wouldn't have noticed that it was an acrostic. I don't know how much I like using "over" twice as the beginning - you actually probably could have used "on" for the second O. Just a thought. Keep writing! :)
Ooh, an acrostic. It's been awhile since I've read one of these. (I think the last one I "read" was one I wrote, lol.) This is really nice. If you wouldn't have bolded the first letters, I probably wouldn't have noticed that it was an acrostic. I don't know how much I like using "over" twice as the beginning - you actually probably could have used "on" for the second O. Just a thought. Keep writing! :)
11/17/2006 c16 no.peace.los.angeles
Wow, powerful. It's one of those things where it's just further proof that a few words can go a long way. Nice work creating tension. Keep writing! :)
Wow, powerful. It's one of those things where it's just further proof that a few words can go a long way. Nice work creating tension. Keep writing! :)