for OneHundredandOneThemes11/14/2006 c11 crazy dog events
I love this idea, the whole thought of an end (and the memories of everything before) will put a part of yourself on hold, take you to a sort of emotional limbo. Love the whole comparison of an empty, lonely house- and it's almost as if you ARE the house, rather than just the vase on the windowsill, though I suppose that makes you PART of the house.
I love this idea, the whole thought of an end (and the memories of everything before) will put a part of yourself on hold, take you to a sort of emotional limbo. Love the whole comparison of an empty, lonely house- and it's almost as if you ARE the house, rather than just the vase on the windowsill, though I suppose that makes you PART of the house.
11/14/2006 c10 crazy dog events
Sometimes just being comfortable with someone- being able to chatter with them and do mundane things with them, and still be happy- is better than any sort of heartfelt speech or whatever else it is one sees in cheesy movies and books. It doesn't even matter here that you didn't specify if it was a friend or a lover, because that kind of relationship could be found with either.
Anyway, this poem communicates that wonderfully. Also, gotta say again that I like your narrative style.
Sometimes just being comfortable with someone- being able to chatter with them and do mundane things with them, and still be happy- is better than any sort of heartfelt speech or whatever else it is one sees in cheesy movies and books. It doesn't even matter here that you didn't specify if it was a friend or a lover, because that kind of relationship could be found with either.
Anyway, this poem communicates that wonderfully. Also, gotta say again that I like your narrative style.
11/14/2006 c8 crazy dog events
"birthdays and apple trees, dig deep between the/clouds" is lovely. This is probably my least favourite of what I've read so far, but it has its charm.
"birthdays and apple trees, dig deep between the/clouds" is lovely. This is probably my least favourite of what I've read so far, but it has its charm.
11/14/2006 c7 crazy dog events
For the most part, you have a good strong narrative style (judging from the poems I've read it's pretty consistent, as well) but there are still times when I say 'Gah!'
the second line of the second stanza gives into angsty melodrama, and I don't like the 'emo' label (labels in general, actually) but if I were to use the word emo, and mean it as an insult? I'd use it regarding that line.
The stanza break is kind of awkward. I can get that you were trying to make the format more symmetrical, but it kind of jolts and stunts the flow.
OK, I'm big on the criticism, but: I liked this. Interesting little narrative, and the imagery of growing wings from you scars -and the idea it implies- is wonderful.
For the most part, you have a good strong narrative style (judging from the poems I've read it's pretty consistent, as well) but there are still times when I say 'Gah!'
the second line of the second stanza gives into angsty melodrama, and I don't like the 'emo' label (labels in general, actually) but if I were to use the word emo, and mean it as an insult? I'd use it regarding that line.
The stanza break is kind of awkward. I can get that you were trying to make the format more symmetrical, but it kind of jolts and stunts the flow.
OK, I'm big on the criticism, but: I liked this. Interesting little narrative, and the imagery of growing wings from you scars -and the idea it implies- is wonderful.
11/14/2006 c6 crazy dog events
I don't really understand the significance of 'it's days later when he tells me he dreamt/of pens and clocks and trips to the circus." My only idea is that youthrew it in to give the poem some extra touch, something almost whimsical, but it doesn't really seem to MEAN anything in the larger scheme of things. Maybe I'm just being obtuse. In a different context, I could really LOVE those lines, but here they seem sort of strange.
I don't really understand the significance of 'it's days later when he tells me he dreamt/of pens and clocks and trips to the circus." My only idea is that youthrew it in to give the poem some extra touch, something almost whimsical, but it doesn't really seem to MEAN anything in the larger scheme of things. Maybe I'm just being obtuse. In a different context, I could really LOVE those lines, but here they seem sort of strange.
11/14/2006 c5 crazy dog events
In some ways I felt like the references detracted from the poem, because you had this really great feeling going there, a mood. I mean, "the ocean breeze, trying too hard to be a tornado, whips your hair around us" said much more to me than any reference to greek mythology or heaven and hell. What I mean is, you convey the atmosphere just in the way you describe the scene, surroundings, situation; You don't NEED those references, so they come off as forced, even pretentious.
Eh, overanalysis. Still, the first stanza was AWESOME.
In some ways I felt like the references detracted from the poem, because you had this really great feeling going there, a mood. I mean, "the ocean breeze, trying too hard to be a tornado, whips your hair around us" said much more to me than any reference to greek mythology or heaven and hell. What I mean is, you convey the atmosphere just in the way you describe the scene, surroundings, situation; You don't NEED those references, so they come off as forced, even pretentious.
Eh, overanalysis. Still, the first stanza was AWESOME.
11/14/2006 c4 crazy dog events
I feel somehow, as if I've read this one before. I haven't a clue, really, but the imagery just seems really familiar. Just really atmospheric, and well done, altogether.
I feel somehow, as if I've read this one before. I haven't a clue, really, but the imagery just seems really familiar. Just really atmospheric, and well done, altogether.
11/14/2006 c3 crazy dog events
I don't think the repetition of the first line really lends anything to the piece. I get that you're trying to confirm it, fortify it, but I think you do that by speaking in negatives in the larger stanza.
I don't think the repetition of the first line really lends anything to the piece. I get that you're trying to confirm it, fortify it, but I think you do that by speaking in negatives in the larger stanza.
11/14/2006 c2 crazy dog events
I've always thought the theme of falling in love with and idea was interesting; usually, you set yourself up for disappointment, because no one could really live up to the person you've imagined, or read about in books. It's interesting to see a different take on it- that he does exist somewhere in real life.
Second stanza was my fvaourite. In some ways it seemed more thought-out.
I've always thought the theme of falling in love with and idea was interesting; usually, you set yourself up for disappointment, because no one could really live up to the person you've imagined, or read about in books. It's interesting to see a different take on it- that he does exist somewhere in real life.
Second stanza was my fvaourite. In some ways it seemed more thought-out.
11/11/2006 c8 
99your scripted romance
that was beautiful. thanks for making my day. not even kidding.
99your scripted romancethat was beautiful. thanks for making my day. not even kidding.
11/6/2006 c6 your scripted romance
so far I am very impressed with these. I love the idea. I wish I could steal it but there's a copyright at the bottom ;)
so far I am very impressed with these. I love the idea. I wish I could steal it but there's a copyright at the bottom ;)