for Falling11/24/2006 c15 tobedeletedsoon
Aw! Yay.. Jake go buh-bye! mwahahahahaha. I'm happy! And Matt is s0o cute! Like aw! lol.. well I'm better now. Update soon!
xoxo
Aw! Yay.. Jake go buh-bye! mwahahahahaha. I'm happy! And Matt is s0o cute! Like aw! lol.. well I'm better now. Update soon!
xoxo
11/23/2006 c15 Sara
Matts sweet. Whats up with the dreams? Matt has a lot of money...can I steal it from him? I know where he sleeps!
Matts sweet. Whats up with the dreams? Matt has a lot of money...can I steal it from him? I know where he sleeps!
11/23/2006 c14 Sara
So how many words do you have now? This is for chapter 13 to btw. Matt is way better. The way I see it, Jake was the jerk hot guy at school that all the girls love but dont really know. I felt super bad for Matt. Youe chapters are always good, and I say that in like every review...I think so anyway. I forgot what else I was gonna say, so thats all.
So how many words do you have now? This is for chapter 13 to btw. Matt is way better. The way I see it, Jake was the jerk hot guy at school that all the girls love but dont really know. I felt super bad for Matt. Youe chapters are always good, and I say that in like every review...I think so anyway. I forgot what else I was gonna say, so thats all.
11/22/2006 c13 tobedeletedsoon
Gasp. GAsp. GASp. GASP!1
She still loves him? He raped her! Hello... Matt is way better. He proposed.. so cute!
Why? Wah! lol. well you better explain this in the next chapter! Or make it happily ever after! Update soon!
xoxo
Gasp. GAsp. GASp. GASP!1
She still loves him? He raped her! Hello... Matt is way better. He proposed.. so cute!
Why? Wah! lol. well you better explain this in the next chapter! Or make it happily ever after! Update soon!
xoxo
11/20/2006 c12 Sara
Dude that came out of nowhere. Im just reading then Im like what the hell? Where did that come from? Then it just goes back to Jake. Im like Vhat haz happenedz herex? It was completely random! Im scared now. Dont do this to me! Ok actually its not that big of a deal. I just felt like making it one. Matt should beat Jake up cause I hate Jake. I mean hes such a jerk. Get rid of him before I do! Matt went into the girls bathroom earlier in the story so why cant he now? Just wondering. It was a pretty good chapter. I just really wanted to freak out on you.
Dude that came out of nowhere. Im just reading then Im like what the hell? Where did that come from? Then it just goes back to Jake. Im like Vhat haz happenedz herex? It was completely random! Im scared now. Dont do this to me! Ok actually its not that big of a deal. I just felt like making it one. Matt should beat Jake up cause I hate Jake. I mean hes such a jerk. Get rid of him before I do! Matt went into the girls bathroom earlier in the story so why cant he now? Just wondering. It was a pretty good chapter. I just really wanted to freak out on you.
11/19/2006 c11 Sara
Haha thank god for tinted windows! Dun-dun-dun! Here comes Jake.
Haha thank god for tinted windows! Dun-dun-dun! Here comes Jake.
11/17/2006 c10 Sara
Wow this was your best chapter yet, defenitely. I liked the thing with the turtle. It was a relly good comparison. You get an A+ in Language today. It was really long to. I feel bad for shrinks/psychiatrist/therapists sometimes cause a lot of people dont want to talk to them but thats there job. Did I spell psychiatrist right cause I have no idea? I dont like her parents either. Nice accent for her mom too.
Wow this was your best chapter yet, defenitely. I liked the thing with the turtle. It was a relly good comparison. You get an A+ in Language today. It was really long to. I feel bad for shrinks/psychiatrist/therapists sometimes cause a lot of people dont want to talk to them but thats there job. Did I spell psychiatrist right cause I have no idea? I dont like her parents either. Nice accent for her mom too.
11/17/2006 c9 Sara
Uh-oh. Stupid..emmas dad. He made me mad. I dont like him. Poor Emma. I feel bad for her. You write really well so keep it up.
Uh-oh. Stupid..emmas dad. He made me mad. I dont like him. Poor Emma. I feel bad for her. You write really well so keep it up.
11/15/2006 c8 Sara
Uh-oh! I know what happends next tho. Everything will work out right? Right? RIGHT? RIGGHT? No! What? Anyway this was super good and you feel really bad for Emma to. Wait, why did i put you instead of I...?
Uh-oh! I know what happends next tho. Everything will work out right? Right? RIGHT? RIGGHT? No! What? Anyway this was super good and you feel really bad for Emma to. Wait, why did i put you instead of I...?
11/15/2006 c1 
4for keeps
I stumbled upon this, and I have to say it has the potential to be a completely cute romance. You write pretty well, and Emma's feelings are very well depicted.
I liked that you didn't rush things, and you described the setting nicely, it painted a nice picture.
I'm about to give you a bit of constructive criticism, please don't be offended. I'm only trying to help. :)
Sentence varying is a huge key to writing a good story. One thing that makes everything flow well and can signifigantly improve your overall story is varying your sentence openers.
In case you don't know what they are already, sentence openers are words that begin a sentence, such as adverbs, nouns, and/or adjectives to name a few.
In the first paragraph inparticular you started every single sentence with a noun. This made the beginning of your piece a little repetitive and boring, things didn't flow very gracefully.
Next time, remember to vary your sentence openers. I swear to you you'll be three times as happy with your piece as you were in the first place. Varied sentences make for a better story. Not to say that this story was not good to begin with.
If you're still not really clear about sentence openers read 'Writing With Diversity' chapter three, by Eyetk. Or you could always google them.
Aside from that little problem with the flow, this was well-written and intruiging. Well done.
4for keepsI stumbled upon this, and I have to say it has the potential to be a completely cute romance. You write pretty well, and Emma's feelings are very well depicted.
I liked that you didn't rush things, and you described the setting nicely, it painted a nice picture.
I'm about to give you a bit of constructive criticism, please don't be offended. I'm only trying to help. :)
Sentence varying is a huge key to writing a good story. One thing that makes everything flow well and can signifigantly improve your overall story is varying your sentence openers.
In case you don't know what they are already, sentence openers are words that begin a sentence, such as adverbs, nouns, and/or adjectives to name a few.
In the first paragraph inparticular you started every single sentence with a noun. This made the beginning of your piece a little repetitive and boring, things didn't flow very gracefully.
Next time, remember to vary your sentence openers. I swear to you you'll be three times as happy with your piece as you were in the first place. Varied sentences make for a better story. Not to say that this story was not good to begin with.
If you're still not really clear about sentence openers read 'Writing With Diversity' chapter three, by Eyetk. Or you could always google them.
Aside from that little problem with the flow, this was well-written and intruiging. Well done.
11/14/2006 c7 Sara
Jake messes up everything doesnt he? This was actually a really good chapter. The way you wrote the paragraphs was really good. Its about time she told Jake to. He needed it.
Jake messes up everything doesnt he? This was actually a really good chapter. The way you wrote the paragraphs was really good. Its about time she told Jake to. He needed it.
11/14/2006 c7 Mollee
Hmm this one part at the end you put "Matt pulled Jake off of me and punched me." Did you mean to put Matt pulled Jake off of me and punched him? Jw. Otherwise I thought that that was really good. I love your story!
Hmm this one part at the end you put "Matt pulled Jake off of me and punched me." Did you mean to put Matt pulled Jake off of me and punched him? Jw. Otherwise I thought that that was really good. I love your story!
11/14/2006 c6 Mollee
Wow that is so freakin suspencful! I cant wait to see what happens next! So Im going to go read the next one now so byebye.
Wow that is so freakin suspencful! I cant wait to see what happens next! So Im going to go read the next one now so byebye.
11/14/2006 c1 jrw1706
I really like this story so far =) I just read the first Chapter and it's amazing. I love your writing style and this is something I'm going to continue reading =D Keep at it
I really like this story so far =) I just read the first Chapter and it's amazing. I love your writing style and this is something I'm going to continue reading =D Keep at it
11/13/2006 c6 Sara
I bet Emmas feeling a tad bit guilty when Matt said that part at the end. The "Im happy we did it together" thing. Nothing else to say cept I did like it.
I bet Emmas feeling a tad bit guilty when Matt said that part at the end. The "Im happy we did it together" thing. Nothing else to say cept I did like it.