for Hinobe High7/17/2011 c1 
3AnonomousNotReally
great job! i really got the feel of what you were saying. hey, i would bve etstatic of you read and reveiwed my story, Home for the Normal Impaired. I dont want to seem like i'm fishing for reviews of anything. Great job!
3AnonomousNotReallygreat job! i really got the feel of what you were saying. hey, i would bve etstatic of you read and reveiwed my story, Home for the Normal Impaired. I dont want to seem like i'm fishing for reviews of anything. Great job!
10/17/2008 c2 xEutopiax
~ Ooh...that guy sounds like a total jerk. But a totally interesting character ^^ I wonder if we'll be seeing more of him.
Ahh...Aiko's so MEAN! God...I mean it's her own sister. I'm really starting to feel bad for Michiko. With her parents in all.
Haha, on a side note, I like how you incorporated Aiko's name into the story. "Love Child" because her parents love her the most right? =]
-Kaiyako K.
~ Ooh...that guy sounds like a total jerk. But a totally interesting character ^^ I wonder if we'll be seeing more of him.
Ahh...Aiko's so MEAN! God...I mean it's her own sister. I'm really starting to feel bad for Michiko. With her parents in all.
Haha, on a side note, I like how you incorporated Aiko's name into the story. "Love Child" because her parents love her the most right? =]
-Kaiyako K.
10/17/2008 c1 xEutopiax
Hey!
Wow, this is a really good start to the story. I like Michiko's character, but I'm not to sure about Aiko o.O Tetsuya sounds like a nice guy, hope theres more of him in the later chapters.
I'm off to the next chapter~!
-Kaiyako K.
Hey!
Wow, this is a really good start to the story. I like Michiko's character, but I'm not to sure about Aiko o.O Tetsuya sounds like a nice guy, hope theres more of him in the later chapters.
I'm off to the next chapter~!
-Kaiyako K.
3/13/2008 c2 8SwordoftheKing
Hmm... not much to note here. Just one or two little things.
Firstly- "The few friends she had were neglected to the point of loosing them." 'loosing' should probably be 'losing'.
Secondly- not so much something I can directly point out, but beware of sticking your characters too firmly into set frames.
For example- Aiko is quickly becoming 'The Popular Bitch'. She's beautiful, she's popular, and she has no redeeming qualities. And, from the fact that she's still talking about the sister (who she's not supposed to want to have anything to do with) however many hours after parting, and on seeing her again her first reaction is to do something vicious, it's almost as if she exists for no purpose EXCEPT to make her sister miserable. Wouldn't a more natural reaction be to completely ignore her sister's existence, rather than pointing it out more readily?
8SwordoftheKingHmm... not much to note here. Just one or two little things.
Firstly- "The few friends she had were neglected to the point of loosing them." 'loosing' should probably be 'losing'.
Secondly- not so much something I can directly point out, but beware of sticking your characters too firmly into set frames.
For example- Aiko is quickly becoming 'The Popular Bitch'. She's beautiful, she's popular, and she has no redeeming qualities. And, from the fact that she's still talking about the sister (who she's not supposed to want to have anything to do with) however many hours after parting, and on seeing her again her first reaction is to do something vicious, it's almost as if she exists for no purpose EXCEPT to make her sister miserable. Wouldn't a more natural reaction be to completely ignore her sister's existence, rather than pointing it out more readily?
3/13/2008 c1 SwordoftheKing
He-heh... Aiko's the Hinobe princess, eh? Not the word I'd use for her, but, well... some words ain't fit for public view.
ANYWHO- quite an enjoyable read, as of yet. I'll just note that in "“I’m Kawasaki Michiko; it’s very nice to meet you to…”" 'to' should be 'too'- and continue on to the next chappie!
He-heh... Aiko's the Hinobe princess, eh? Not the word I'd use for her, but, well... some words ain't fit for public view.
ANYWHO- quite an enjoyable read, as of yet. I'll just note that in "“I’m Kawasaki Michiko; it’s very nice to meet you to…”" 'to' should be 'too'- and continue on to the next chappie!
4/30/2007 c2 14MistyRose14
this story is kind of depressing me, but in a good way (i guess). i like how it's showing that life can be pretty ugly... continue, s'il vous plaît!
14MistyRose14this story is kind of depressing me, but in a good way (i guess). i like how it's showing that life can be pretty ugly... continue, s'il vous plaît!
4/30/2007 c1 MistyRose14
oh, this first chapter made me feel so sad (cause my sisters and i are so close, i'd never pretend i didn't know them...)! there were a few typos, but they aren't a big deal. alright, i'm on to the next chapter.
oh, this first chapter made me feel so sad (cause my sisters and i are so close, i'd never pretend i didn't know them...)! there were a few typos, but they aren't a big deal. alright, i'm on to the next chapter.
3/13/2007 c2 Lady Silver fang
Wow I must admit I like this very much. I feel sorry for Michiko though. Compared to me, 135 is nothing lol. I must say that I hate her older sister, her friends, and that guy she ran into. I'm sorry but if it had been me, I would have killed them all *grins evily* I'm so nice *coughs and clears throat* Anyhow I just wanted to say I loved this so far anc I can't wait to read more... and I just hope that Michiko rises up from all this.
Wow I must admit I like this very much. I feel sorry for Michiko though. Compared to me, 135 is nothing lol. I must say that I hate her older sister, her friends, and that guy she ran into. I'm sorry but if it had been me, I would have killed them all *grins evily* I'm so nice *coughs and clears throat* Anyhow I just wanted to say I loved this so far anc I can't wait to read more... and I just hope that Michiko rises up from all this.
12/21/2006 c2 13NeoMiniTails
There a few mistakes, bt I'll point that out, later. Anyways, I was planning not reading ch2 until later on... but I was so into wanting to read... I went on to read. I usually give much longer reviews than the last and most likely this one... but I'm lazy and tired right now so I won't.
I, absolueutly, loved this chapter. She really did meet the deveil. loking at the story, this is the type of story that would be perfect if you had it in first person.
That would've been totaly interesting.
Anyways, teh mistakes:
loose means like loose clothing... too big. You need the word lose where its talking about letting something go or something in that nature.
scrapped... is like making scraps... scraping is what you meant... her shoes scraped against each step
Don't remember the other mistake.
Anyways, Update soon. I love it.
13NeoMiniTailsThere a few mistakes, bt I'll point that out, later. Anyways, I was planning not reading ch2 until later on... but I was so into wanting to read... I went on to read. I usually give much longer reviews than the last and most likely this one... but I'm lazy and tired right now so I won't.
I, absolueutly, loved this chapter. She really did meet the deveil. loking at the story, this is the type of story that would be perfect if you had it in first person.
That would've been totaly interesting.
Anyways, teh mistakes:
loose means like loose clothing... too big. You need the word lose where its talking about letting something go or something in that nature.
scrapped... is like making scraps... scraping is what you meant... her shoes scraped against each step
Don't remember the other mistake.
Anyways, Update soon. I love it.
12/21/2006 c1 NeoMiniTails
Wow, Aiko is pretty but dang, she sure is rude and mean. It's a shame ot be that ashamed of your sibling... aye.
I really like oyur first cghapter... I would read chapter two right now but I'm working on my latest chapter for my story, Miracle kNights.
So, I'll try to read it later. Anyways,, tetsuya sounds cool... he's not going to be a jerk, will he? Anyways, he's arrogant but he seems nice and pretty cool besides that point. Can't wait to learn more about him.
And your main character... can't help but feel your main OC. She's so inscure and now she's going to a new school... a high school in fact. High school is huge in Japan... almost like College is in America. lol.
Your characterization is very good... at first, being a guy, I wasn't quite sure if I should read this.. not an issue that I really like to read about though I've made stories about that issue.
I've made a few corrections while reading the chapter... btu all in all.. it was veyr good.
Wow, she bet not be tall anting to weigh 96 pounds.. if she is, wow... she wnats to be skinnier than Nicole Richie... at least by looks. LOl.
On the sentence: She’d actually gained 2 pounds rather then lost them.
Then should be than since its comparing two things. She had rather than she'd would also make it have a little more flow.
On this sentence: knowing of her younger daughters need to loose weight.
or at least on that part of teh sentence: it should read: knowing of her younger daughter's need to lose weight.
Wow, Aiko is pretty but dang, she sure is rude and mean. It's a shame ot be that ashamed of your sibling... aye.
I really like oyur first cghapter... I would read chapter two right now but I'm working on my latest chapter for my story, Miracle kNights.
So, I'll try to read it later. Anyways,, tetsuya sounds cool... he's not going to be a jerk, will he? Anyways, he's arrogant but he seems nice and pretty cool besides that point. Can't wait to learn more about him.
And your main character... can't help but feel your main OC. She's so inscure and now she's going to a new school... a high school in fact. High school is huge in Japan... almost like College is in America. lol.
Your characterization is very good... at first, being a guy, I wasn't quite sure if I should read this.. not an issue that I really like to read about though I've made stories about that issue.
I've made a few corrections while reading the chapter... btu all in all.. it was veyr good.
Wow, she bet not be tall anting to weigh 96 pounds.. if she is, wow... she wnats to be skinnier than Nicole Richie... at least by looks. LOl.
On the sentence: She’d actually gained 2 pounds rather then lost them.
Then should be than since its comparing two things. She had rather than she'd would also make it have a little more flow.
On this sentence: knowing of her younger daughters need to loose weight.
or at least on that part of teh sentence: it should read: knowing of her younger daughter's need to lose weight.
11/26/2006 c2 8singingeachtoeach
Agh, 135? Please tell me that she's extremely short or something. I just don't think that's overweight at all! Anyway, awesome start! Can't wait for the next chapter!
8singingeachtoeachAgh, 135? Please tell me that she's extremely short or something. I just don't think that's overweight at all! Anyway, awesome start! Can't wait for the next chapter!
11/25/2006 c2 Paliana
I really enjoyed reading this so far ... it has characters I like and dislike (you've distinguished the characters for me!). Poor Michiko. All she does is lack a little self confidence and strength ... I'm sure if she had that she could deal with her sister's arrogance and toture ... then again, if she did, there would be no main antagonist (besides the new bully).
I wonder what's the chip on that guy's shoulder. o_o
Anyway, I think I'll be looking more for this story! Can't wait for the next chapter!
I really enjoyed reading this so far ... it has characters I like and dislike (you've distinguished the characters for me!). Poor Michiko. All she does is lack a little self confidence and strength ... I'm sure if she had that she could deal with her sister's arrogance and toture ... then again, if she did, there would be no main antagonist (besides the new bully).
I wonder what's the chip on that guy's shoulder. o_o
Anyway, I think I'll be looking more for this story! Can't wait for the next chapter!