for The Inevitable11/27/2006 c1 
24she's not breathing
soso happy you updated. because i've been flooded by alerts now (at last) & most of them i've just trashed. this is like - a breath. haha. i adore the theme of desperation, "bleed white splinters of brittle bone", the six feet under card is always pretty, & the ending. just very well done. it tumbles something like stream-of-consciousness. i think that - it touches a little close, as if some lines repeat imagery & some don't evoke much empathy. but overall i like it & it kinda sounds like something i'd write or read regardless of what errors it had. your heartache, i will say, does bleed through. & you know i think you're amazing. tch.
-kait
24she's not breathingsoso happy you updated. because i've been flooded by alerts now (at last) & most of them i've just trashed. this is like - a breath. haha. i adore the theme of desperation, "bleed white splinters of brittle bone", the six feet under card is always pretty, & the ending. just very well done. it tumbles something like stream-of-consciousness. i think that - it touches a little close, as if some lines repeat imagery & some don't evoke much empathy. but overall i like it & it kinda sounds like something i'd write or read regardless of what errors it had. your heartache, i will say, does bleed through. & you know i think you're amazing. tch.
-kait
11/27/2006 c1 123dress her up in fairytales
"I’m desperation, trying to hold myself together"
beyond powerful ... wonderful.
"we were always six feet under
choking on the ashes which fell like raindrops upon our skin"
yes, i love that.
i like the title of this ... and the way the last line just sums it all together.
123dress her up in fairytales"I’m desperation, trying to hold myself together"
beyond powerful ... wonderful.
"we were always six feet under
choking on the ashes which fell like raindrops upon our skin"
yes, i love that.
i like the title of this ... and the way the last line just sums it all together.
11/26/2006 c1 23WickedSilence
Quite understandably, this poem holds a lot of bitterness and sadness. I didn't exactly like the italicized parts, but I do know why you emphasized certain words/phrases. I find I appreciate the dramatic imagery most, for it seems to lead up to the crashing crescendo at the end. All together it's very interesting and because of that, it's good.
23WickedSilenceQuite understandably, this poem holds a lot of bitterness and sadness. I didn't exactly like the italicized parts, but I do know why you emphasized certain words/phrases. I find I appreciate the dramatic imagery most, for it seems to lead up to the crashing crescendo at the end. All together it's very interesting and because of that, it's good.
11/26/2006 c1 77by His blood
i was so glad to see that you'd updated. i adore your writing, and i hope you know it. i love this one. the emotion bleeds from every word and it's extremely powerful. the imagery is amazing and you wrote it beautifully.
'I'm desperation, trying to hold myself together' - i love this line. 'and I bleed white splinters' - this part of the line is also beautiful. 'because you can't even pretend to love the violent flames of my own self hatred / even though they burn just for you' - fucking amazing line. the power and strength of your words hits so hard. 'choking on the ashes which fell like raindrops upon our skin / leaving behind dust and memories / of horror and heartbreak which tore relentlessly at our exposure / we could only tremble silently when hurricanes and bitter cold snowstorms / threatened our delicate promises of forever' - probably my favorite part of the poem. beautiful imagery, powerful emotion that just screams and it's written perfectly. 'this time we're playing honesty / brutal and unforgiving against our futile attempts to forget' - i love it. it's just written so perfectly. 'but my memories blaze amber against the midnight sky' - i love the imagery here. 'and you're my insomnia' - love it. 'bloodshot and broken with cancer bleeding from my brain' - great imagery and beautifully written, powerful as always. 'we were just another inevitable tragedy' - the whole poem seems to lead up to this perfect ending, just building up power and emotion. i love it.
alison
77by His bloodi was so glad to see that you'd updated. i adore your writing, and i hope you know it. i love this one. the emotion bleeds from every word and it's extremely powerful. the imagery is amazing and you wrote it beautifully.
'I'm desperation, trying to hold myself together' - i love this line. 'and I bleed white splinters' - this part of the line is also beautiful. 'because you can't even pretend to love the violent flames of my own self hatred / even though they burn just for you' - fucking amazing line. the power and strength of your words hits so hard. 'choking on the ashes which fell like raindrops upon our skin / leaving behind dust and memories / of horror and heartbreak which tore relentlessly at our exposure / we could only tremble silently when hurricanes and bitter cold snowstorms / threatened our delicate promises of forever' - probably my favorite part of the poem. beautiful imagery, powerful emotion that just screams and it's written perfectly. 'this time we're playing honesty / brutal and unforgiving against our futile attempts to forget' - i love it. it's just written so perfectly. 'but my memories blaze amber against the midnight sky' - i love the imagery here. 'and you're my insomnia' - love it. 'bloodshot and broken with cancer bleeding from my brain' - great imagery and beautifully written, powerful as always. 'we were just another inevitable tragedy' - the whole poem seems to lead up to this perfect ending, just building up power and emotion. i love it.
alison
11/26/2006 c1 83the-foresight
I think this poem had a real gothic undertone to it, mainly by both the language and the themes you presented. Anyway, I liked it, so it worked in my mind.
83the-foresightI think this poem had a real gothic undertone to it, mainly by both the language and the themes you presented. Anyway, I liked it, so it worked in my mind.
11/26/2006 c1 16Theory Of The 4th Dimension
Your diction and expressions are just scrumptious. I could just gobble them up...yum!
"I’m desperation, trying to hold myself together
while the sinews rupture one by one and I bleed white splinters of brittle bone
because you can’t even pretend to love the violent flames of my own self hatred
even though they burn just for you"...I enjoyed these lines most of all from the way they flowed.
Good write dude!
~stay gold~
16Theory Of The 4th DimensionYour diction and expressions are just scrumptious. I could just gobble them up...yum!
"I’m desperation, trying to hold myself together
while the sinews rupture one by one and I bleed white splinters of brittle bone
because you can’t even pretend to love the violent flames of my own self hatred
even though they burn just for you"...I enjoyed these lines most of all from the way they flowed.
Good write dude!
~stay gold~
11/26/2006 c1 40whatsLefTof.me
Good choice of words. However, I kind of hope you'd organize it better. It shot off from one direction to another, but don't get me wrong, it's just a friendly suggestion. There's always room for improvements. Overall, GJ, RoK oN!
40whatsLefTof.meGood choice of words. However, I kind of hope you'd organize it better. It shot off from one direction to another, but don't get me wrong, it's just a friendly suggestion. There's always room for improvements. Overall, GJ, RoK oN!