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2/22/2008 c1 11Milee Cola
Nice, quite funny and realistic. One thing though, the dialogue, sometimes it's a bit confusing as to who is speaking, and who is who. Perhaps it's just me?

Anyways, i'm gonna go ahead and read the rest too. Can't wait to see how this turns out.

~Milee
8/14/2007 c8 youmake me smile alot
I noticed that nothing happens like I think it would happen. That’s a good thing. That means you are now “original.” Also a good thing. ToriXBrian 4 life! Lol.
6/26/2007 c8 Ailionora
love it! update soon!
4/16/2007 c6 8You Make Me Smile A Lot
Thank you for thanking me (*gives you a BIG hug*)! I really like how this story is going, so of course I’m going to r&r you silly-willy. I really like the characters because they are so real, not these phony “let’s do the right thing and suffer through the consequences without complaining!” characters. ^_^
2/22/2007 c5 You Make Me Smile A Lot
I luved it, but Brian really needs to chill out. Sorry, your book. Ignore me. ^_^
2/9/2007 c4 You Make Me Smile A Lot
I liked it, though I hope you knwo that I'll be crushed if she hooks up with the new guy.
1/8/2007 c3 You Make Me Smile A Lot
How could I not see THAT coming? I usually see things like that coming, but...damn, that was sly. I like how you made it work out. A lot of people think only the school sluts get pregnant young, but they should ALL know better. My mom had me young, so this chapter means a lot to me. ^_^
12/22/2006 c2 7heart shaped lies
Hey, I got the link via email and decided to review this one.

I loved the first chapter, it was light and sort of laid a good foundation to the main plot. I could totally feel how close Victoria and Brian are, and the breezy relationship they shared. Yet, the second chapter?

okay, the beginning was great. And so was the end, I could totally get why Brian was throwing his frustration on Victoria and, you know. It's the middle that is the problem. The news that the mother died was just, I don't know...sort of abrupt. One minute they were playing in the snow and the next minute, Brian's mum is dead and he's moving away. Then again, I guess life IS sort of abrupt that way.

otherwise, I really liked it though the plot had more potential that could be shown in chap. 2. I'll be keeping an eye on this one, update soon!
12/16/2006 c2 16Alisoun
Alrightey. Good start.

Here's my criticism

-You just might want to watch your use of quotations. They weren't too difficult to follow, but try to clean them up a bit. Try reading a book you like and modeling the quotes off that.

-I can't understand why Brian never acted remotely attracted to Tori in the first chapter. It's obvious she likes him, but he doesn't react in any way. Physical emotions added in a few places might just spice up the first chapter.

-I'm assuming the lack of mention of contraceptives a the end of the second chapter leads to something in future chapters, so I'm a little anxious. Nice to end on a cliffhanger

Looking forward to reading more!

-R.Answered
12/16/2006 c1 Sara aka Kysalera
Wow. that was really good. thanks for sending that to me
12/16/2006 c2 Alyssa's Attic
Unexpected email but I read anyway lol. This is good it certainly develops more in chapter two though i think that adding a bit more description would help fill it out more get the reader to know more about the setting the people. Also reviewing any of my stories/poems would be appreaciated. - Alyssa :)
12/16/2006 c2 16sporkess
Reviewing, as per the emailed request. Odd system, that, may have to get involved.

Anyway! I'll admit that my first impression of the story, the one I got from the summary, was not that good - I have an unreasoning loathing of the term 'lol'. But I was greatly relieved when I stepped inside the story; your greatest error was a couple of misplaced commas and a speechy bit that didn't close with a ". (Chapter 2. “I have to go to the hospital. My mom, um, well they wouldn’t tell me.)

Of the story itself... Well, first and foremost, I'm a raging slash fangirl, so this was a bit out of my league in any case. And after that, I have to admit to you that for some reason the characters didn't click for me. I do not feel their pain. In my opinion, a good story makes you cry when the main character is, or at least give a vague whimper - and I was just shrugging my shoulders. I don't think they're well defined enough as characters; you say that Brian has no friends, and I guess that means he's lonely at school - why not show that? People ignoring him, making fun of him, whatever. His reactions to that sort of thing would give us a better idea of his character. And it's as if the /only/ thing in his life is Victoria - I'd like to see him interracting with his mother or his sister sometime. Or I'd like to see something a bit heartrending, like him trying to desperately to keep on an even keel as people mention his dying mother. I guess he's doing that anyway, but it's not visible.

As for Victoria - I don't think it's at all intentional, but my main reactions to her seem to be 'what a bitch.' Her best friend's mother is DYING and she totally blanks her! That's just outrageous! Not to mention the way she talks to Brian's sister... what right has she to talk like that? You know, I'm in complete sympathy with Emily. Putting a hold on your own life so you can look after your sick mother? Dealing with your brother and his bratty friend? Under those circumstances, being /polite to doctors/? What a great person! Emily rocks. Victoria should shut up and stop making rude slurs on her possible sexuality. Not to mention that her airheadedness rubs me the wrong way. Airheads can be fun, but I have little patience with them.

I do like the situation in which you placed the story; it's a good one, lots of potential for angst and romance and tragedy and all that. However, I firstly felt rather affronted at how quickly Brian's mother was killed off. We never actually knew her, and now, pff! She's gone. That isn't a good way to make people care about her death, and it feels rather callous. You're killing off a character as a plot device! Characters have feelings too, you know! ...Er. Never mind. And after she was dead - it all went too quickly. These are probably the most dreadful days of Brian's life, and we see nothing of them. Even from Victoria's perspective, we ought to have seen more than we did. Something slow and melancholy, so I could imagine sad music playing. I'd have liked to /hear/ what Brian said at the funeral. You had such good potential for a tearjerker, and you threw it away because you were 'rushed'. And the chapter end, I think, deserves a paragraph of its own.

Nice, logical conclusion; Brian has just suffered a huge loss, he is naturally inclined to cling to his best and only friend for comfort. It might have been nice, however, to see a couple of sneak peeks of mutual attraction earlier on. I find it just a bit horrifying, in fact; what Brian is doing, however understamdable, is outrageously selfish; he's practically raping his best friend, who is too freaked to resist. At least that's how I see it. I would have far preferred a passionate and tender kiss, tears on cheeks, to end the scene; as it was, this didn't make me anticipate with pounding heart the next chapter of their story.

So. I know this review is pretty consistantly negative, and I'm sorry about that. It's also damn long, but I tend to review thoroughly, that being the reason I don't do it often. But while this story is readable, and didn't make me cringe anxiously away in places for cheesiness or anything similar, I don't think I would continue reading it. Review my stories if you want to - I must admit that I'm somewhat dreading a "Well, your stories suck too!" review. Keep writing, and I hope you have a lot of fun with continuing this story.
12/15/2006 c2 XRunningxIsxMyxBoyfriendX
It's good. Review my story.
12/15/2006 c2 8WillSheBeloved
totally awesome.

i love it.
12/14/2006 c2 8You Make Me Smile A Lot
This is suck a great story. I don't see why very few people have read it. Why, people, WHY? Anyways...I almost cried when Brian's mommy died. It got to me right here (*points to my heart*). Oh, and remember, a promise is a promise; right? ^_^
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