for The Girl for Me8/26/2010 c3 Jenny
I admit I had a good few giggles at how eloquent Kevin was trying to be when he say the dress. Trying to only compliment the dress… And after having every word planned, swore in surprise. Gotta love situations when even the wealthiest, have moments of sheer astonishment.
The firecracker story was pretty hilarious, and it definitely marks a bonding moment for Dani and Kevin. Nice to see they’ll be a couple with substance instead of the odd ‘bitchy’ couple which do nothing but argue, but LURVE one another. Don’t see the logic in that one.
Although I’m still reserved to what is going to happen at this funeral. I mean, surely Uncle Keith wouldn’t mar his fabulous reputation by causing a scene? Hmm, I will wait and see…
Kevin’s radar is a nice touch, I mean, it saves from the stereotypical jock who dose nothing but break hearts isn’t it? Ah, I do enjoy this story – you avoid my most hated clichés, or even twist them into something a little different.
I liked how Uncle Keith cornered her, and now appears to be taking Kevin to the side to ask the same questions. Although, Danni did make sure the story was straight in their heads, and so… Kevin shouldn’t mess up.
A little surprised on how harsh Keith is being, although not entirely unexpected given with what company Kevin usually keeps.
And deary me. I must dash to read the next chapter.
I admit I had a good few giggles at how eloquent Kevin was trying to be when he say the dress. Trying to only compliment the dress… And after having every word planned, swore in surprise. Gotta love situations when even the wealthiest, have moments of sheer astonishment.
The firecracker story was pretty hilarious, and it definitely marks a bonding moment for Dani and Kevin. Nice to see they’ll be a couple with substance instead of the odd ‘bitchy’ couple which do nothing but argue, but LURVE one another. Don’t see the logic in that one.
Although I’m still reserved to what is going to happen at this funeral. I mean, surely Uncle Keith wouldn’t mar his fabulous reputation by causing a scene? Hmm, I will wait and see…
Kevin’s radar is a nice touch, I mean, it saves from the stereotypical jock who dose nothing but break hearts isn’t it? Ah, I do enjoy this story – you avoid my most hated clichés, or even twist them into something a little different.
I liked how Uncle Keith cornered her, and now appears to be taking Kevin to the side to ask the same questions. Although, Danni did make sure the story was straight in their heads, and so… Kevin shouldn’t mess up.
A little surprised on how harsh Keith is being, although not entirely unexpected given with what company Kevin usually keeps.
And deary me. I must dash to read the next chapter.
8/26/2010 c2 Jenny
The only kind of criticism I can give to this chapter is the “Talking Heads” thing that seems to be cropping up. Although most readers will be able to read and understand what’s going on, the dialogue seems… bare and somewhat confusing because there’s no dialogue tags to go along with them either. And no setting, no facial expressions, or movements.
It feels rushed. The whole tutoring thing is cliché but it works because usually it forces characters into close proximity with one another. It would have been nice for Kevin to have had smaller realisations about Daniel (Dani), and continue to reason that can’t be right because she’s male - and so the ending of “Oh my Dani is genuinely attractive” wouldn’t be so… anticlimactic.
Having said that, the banter exchanged between the two of them are amusing and certainly fit their defined characters.
Uncle Keith and his meeting with Dani – I’m looking forward to simply because he sounds quite refined and most importantly, values work ethnic which apparently Kevin has failed to see from him.
Have to admit - a nice touch with the elderly couple.
The only kind of criticism I can give to this chapter is the “Talking Heads” thing that seems to be cropping up. Although most readers will be able to read and understand what’s going on, the dialogue seems… bare and somewhat confusing because there’s no dialogue tags to go along with them either. And no setting, no facial expressions, or movements.
It feels rushed. The whole tutoring thing is cliché but it works because usually it forces characters into close proximity with one another. It would have been nice for Kevin to have had smaller realisations about Daniel (Dani), and continue to reason that can’t be right because she’s male - and so the ending of “Oh my Dani is genuinely attractive” wouldn’t be so… anticlimactic.
Having said that, the banter exchanged between the two of them are amusing and certainly fit their defined characters.
Uncle Keith and his meeting with Dani – I’m looking forward to simply because he sounds quite refined and most importantly, values work ethnic which apparently Kevin has failed to see from him.
Have to admit - a nice touch with the elderly couple.
8/26/2010 c1 Jenny
"And he knew he wouldn't have much fun anyway, since he couldn't drink, or get stoned, or even stay up late. As a starting Senior fullback on the football team, with practice early every morning, there was just no way."
Thank you! The amount of fictions I’ve read where the apparent Athlete of the Year just goes to parties, skips practise and does ‘nothing’ in the sense of work – and still manages to gain a scholarship to some prestigious university is phenomenal. And unrealistic. And just plain freakin’ annoying. I’ll stop my ramblings on this point.
I like Dani, she can certainly stand on her own two legs and isn’t one of those… “I’ve just got a terrible attitude but my friends say it’s called ‘Wit’ and people LURVE me for it – and please wait for me to WANGST about life and the fact I’m gay and no-one –NO ONE – understands me.” Urgh, you can tell I’ve read some utter trash lately.
Ah, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. He obviously has no idea over 10 other animals partake in homosexual relations. I can totally picture Dani sulking about this, and how Kevin has suddenly droned on and on and on. Kind of like how this review is going…
Oh so Dani would prefer the feminine pronoun, I was kind of confused – much like Kevin – on that topic.
I paraphrase, but in short: Kevin should be slapped. Hard. Across the face. Repeatedly. Making someone cry so easily? That must be a gift.
On the other hand, I couldn’t help but feel a little curious to why Dani would start crying then… I mean if she’s put up with it all her life, the feeling of being a ‘freak’ or whatever other abusive word she’s had labelled onto her, then surely she would have the ability to push the urge to cry away more so than anyone who hasn’t had to put up with such taunts?
For example a bully victim of many years probably wouldn’t burst into tears even at school and would wait till they reached somewhere safe/alone to have a good cry.
Although I have to say I enjoyed the quick rebound. =)
"And he knew he wouldn't have much fun anyway, since he couldn't drink, or get stoned, or even stay up late. As a starting Senior fullback on the football team, with practice early every morning, there was just no way."
Thank you! The amount of fictions I’ve read where the apparent Athlete of the Year just goes to parties, skips practise and does ‘nothing’ in the sense of work – and still manages to gain a scholarship to some prestigious university is phenomenal. And unrealistic. And just plain freakin’ annoying. I’ll stop my ramblings on this point.
I like Dani, she can certainly stand on her own two legs and isn’t one of those… “I’ve just got a terrible attitude but my friends say it’s called ‘Wit’ and people LURVE me for it – and please wait for me to WANGST about life and the fact I’m gay and no-one –NO ONE – understands me.” Urgh, you can tell I’ve read some utter trash lately.
Ah, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. He obviously has no idea over 10 other animals partake in homosexual relations. I can totally picture Dani sulking about this, and how Kevin has suddenly droned on and on and on. Kind of like how this review is going…
Oh so Dani would prefer the feminine pronoun, I was kind of confused – much like Kevin – on that topic.
I paraphrase, but in short: Kevin should be slapped. Hard. Across the face. Repeatedly. Making someone cry so easily? That must be a gift.
On the other hand, I couldn’t help but feel a little curious to why Dani would start crying then… I mean if she’s put up with it all her life, the feeling of being a ‘freak’ or whatever other abusive word she’s had labelled onto her, then surely she would have the ability to push the urge to cry away more so than anyone who hasn’t had to put up with such taunts?
For example a bully victim of many years probably wouldn’t burst into tears even at school and would wait till they reached somewhere safe/alone to have a good cry.
Although I have to say I enjoyed the quick rebound. =)
8/21/2010 c17 
20purplehost
It was interesting and I liked it. It was different from the other slash stories I've read. I don't mean that it was bad, just different.
20purplehostIt was interesting and I liked it. It was different from the other slash stories I've read. I don't mean that it was bad, just different.
7/26/2010 c17 2midnightrose12206
totally loved it! drama to the extreme, man i wish my prom could be like that. So much better than watching a buncha straights shove their tongue down each others' mouths. LOVED IT!
2midnightrose12206totally loved it! drama to the extreme, man i wish my prom could be like that. So much better than watching a buncha straights shove their tongue down each others' mouths. LOVED IT!
7/26/2010 c17 1Rae Kitano
Hey J. So I read your story and I'm reviewing. Yay.
I'm going to admit I'm not a big fan of men dressing up in womens clothing but you know I really liked this story.
I mean I really liked this story.
I think was the fact that you made Dani / Danny struggle with who he was and having him try to understand what was right for him - really made the story facinating to read. It made it real.
Loved the 'fire' scene. That gave me a chuckle. And I liked Kevin's dad character. I liked that you made him question every thing and still had him accept their relationship even if he didn't fully understand it.
When I grow up I want to be able to write as good you do. :)
Rae.
1Rae KitanoHey J. So I read your story and I'm reviewing. Yay.
I'm going to admit I'm not a big fan of men dressing up in womens clothing but you know I really liked this story.
I mean I really liked this story.
I think was the fact that you made Dani / Danny struggle with who he was and having him try to understand what was right for him - really made the story facinating to read. It made it real.
Loved the 'fire' scene. That gave me a chuckle. And I liked Kevin's dad character. I liked that you made him question every thing and still had him accept their relationship even if he didn't fully understand it.
When I grow up I want to be able to write as good you do. :)
Rae.
7/11/2010 c17 1RebellionRomance
This was a breath-taking story. I admit that I've never read a TG story before, but this was amazing. I had never really thought about any of the "taboo" topics mentioned in this. It really made me think, and that is the sign of a truly fantasic story. Keep up the astounding work!
1RebellionRomanceThis was a breath-taking story. I admit that I've never read a TG story before, but this was amazing. I had never really thought about any of the "taboo" topics mentioned in this. It really made me think, and that is the sign of a truly fantasic story. Keep up the astounding work!
7/8/2010 c1 27x-ClinicallyInsane-x
I was looking through your comments in-case I had reviewed this before (it was in my favorites but I did not remember reading it). I didn't see my user name (though I did see my given name, Alex, which made me laugh a little, though it was obviously not me who wrote it).
Truth is, your story did my mind a lot of justice. I'm still young, sort of, and I don't have good exposure to the outside world. Yet, this story, though perhaps exaggerated, did justice to real life by taking so many problems and smooshing them all together. And the fact that you did this is amazing, excellent to me.
Beautiful work.
Get published :p
27x-ClinicallyInsane-xI was looking through your comments in-case I had reviewed this before (it was in my favorites but I did not remember reading it). I didn't see my user name (though I did see my given name, Alex, which made me laugh a little, though it was obviously not me who wrote it).
Truth is, your story did my mind a lot of justice. I'm still young, sort of, and I don't have good exposure to the outside world. Yet, this story, though perhaps exaggerated, did justice to real life by taking so many problems and smooshing them all together. And the fact that you did this is amazing, excellent to me.
Beautiful work.
Get published :p
7/6/2010 c1 Madame D
Hi!
I really liked your story.
It was funny and sweet. Danny(i) and Kevin were great characters.
I liked how they were discovering their feelings, how they feel about each other. Kevin's relationship whit his father, or Dani with her parents.
It was good read and I thank you for this.
(And I'm sorry for my rather poor english, it is not my first language).
Best wishes with writing your other stories. :)
Hi!
I really liked your story.
It was funny and sweet. Danny(i) and Kevin were great characters.
I liked how they were discovering their feelings, how they feel about each other. Kevin's relationship whit his father, or Dani with her parents.
It was good read and I thank you for this.
(And I'm sorry for my rather poor english, it is not my first language).
Best wishes with writing your other stories. :)
7/3/2010 c17 Linnt
i'm all bubbly inside after finishing this fic. one side of me didn't want this to end but another side said that it's the perfect ending.
i'm just so hyped up about it. i love this fic so much...the two most unlikly people coming together and learning to grow together, that is just amazing.
please continue the good work, looking forward to your future fics.
i'm all bubbly inside after finishing this fic. one side of me didn't want this to end but another side said that it's the perfect ending.
i'm just so hyped up about it. i love this fic so much...the two most unlikly people coming together and learning to grow together, that is just amazing.
please continue the good work, looking forward to your future fics.
7/2/2010 c10 Linnt
just wanted to mention to you that when you wrote the interaction part between Kevin and Uncle Keith you accidentally wrote Unlce Keith as Uncle 'Kevin' twice.
now i must go to sleep and continue reading tomorrow. love the story.
just wanted to mention to you that when you wrote the interaction part between Kevin and Uncle Keith you accidentally wrote Unlce Keith as Uncle 'Kevin' twice.
now i must go to sleep and continue reading tomorrow. love the story.
6/17/2010 c17 thecrivens
I like how you describe Kevin and Dani. Kevin seemed to be a typical jock, and he looked kinda stupid in the beginning, but you give him insight to people heart and he becomes more and more lovable. and you capture Dani's dilemma very well. characters development is very visible and in the end, everybody is humane. Thank you for sharing such wonderful story
I like how you describe Kevin and Dani. Kevin seemed to be a typical jock, and he looked kinda stupid in the beginning, but you give him insight to people heart and he becomes more and more lovable. and you capture Dani's dilemma very well. characters development is very visible and in the end, everybody is humane. Thank you for sharing such wonderful story
6/3/2010 c17 Alex
Okay the fact that I am using my name says something about your story. I am no way ashamed to say I loved it to the bottom of my dark little soul! How you have Danni confused about her self and Kevin too knot knowing exactly who they are and finding themselves with the help of the other. Its a very sweet and moving story... and I suck at wording my feelings. I dont think there is anything in this story that i disliked, other then Kevin not stopping when danny screamed at him too, but that was because it had me wincing for reasons I'll keep to myself. But it was realistic also, they fought and like any teenage couple they ignore each other like the plague! until someone breaks the ice. So its a very well written story that is realistic and not so fantasy.
I love the ending too! xD how Danni puts Dave in his place. But I do wonder what Uncle Keith had to say about his nephew punching the head master. Oh! I want to know so much more now!
Anyways before i continue rambling, thank you for all the time and effort you put into this story and for posting it on the net allowing me to find the pleasure to find it and begin reading it.
xD you deserve a cookie! heehee.
-Alex
Okay the fact that I am using my name says something about your story. I am no way ashamed to say I loved it to the bottom of my dark little soul! How you have Danni confused about her self and Kevin too knot knowing exactly who they are and finding themselves with the help of the other. Its a very sweet and moving story... and I suck at wording my feelings. I dont think there is anything in this story that i disliked, other then Kevin not stopping when danny screamed at him too, but that was because it had me wincing for reasons I'll keep to myself. But it was realistic also, they fought and like any teenage couple they ignore each other like the plague! until someone breaks the ice. So its a very well written story that is realistic and not so fantasy.
I love the ending too! xD how Danni puts Dave in his place. But I do wonder what Uncle Keith had to say about his nephew punching the head master. Oh! I want to know so much more now!
Anyways before i continue rambling, thank you for all the time and effort you put into this story and for posting it on the net allowing me to find the pleasure to find it and begin reading it.
xD you deserve a cookie! heehee.
-Alex
5/23/2010 c17 2neeree
Wow, this was good. Dani and Kavin make a very charismatic couple.
Would have preferred if their major fight ( the one about Dani getting hurt during sex) was something a bit more realistic becuase I really doubt that Danny is too weak to stryggle out of it if it hurt THAT bad, and that Kevin or anyone frankly can be that absorbed on anything to not notice someone screaking in pain and struggling. Something along the lines of Kevin having momentary doubts and posibly humiliating Dani because he was ashamed and couldn't stand up to the crowed/dad/someone of authority/ or just someone old fashioned would have worked better.
Everything else was beatifically written. Especially liked that this isn't a typical gay romance, but it also touches on transgender as well :) Good job.
2neereeWow, this was good. Dani and Kavin make a very charismatic couple.
Would have preferred if their major fight ( the one about Dani getting hurt during sex) was something a bit more realistic becuase I really doubt that Danny is too weak to stryggle out of it if it hurt THAT bad, and that Kevin or anyone frankly can be that absorbed on anything to not notice someone screaking in pain and struggling. Something along the lines of Kevin having momentary doubts and posibly humiliating Dani because he was ashamed and couldn't stand up to the crowed/dad/someone of authority/ or just someone old fashioned would have worked better.
Everything else was beatifically written. Especially liked that this isn't a typical gay romance, but it also touches on transgender as well :) Good job.
5/17/2010 c1 4obentoboy
"Very funny. All right, so what do you want? And I swear to god, if you say 'blow job', we're gonna go 'round right here. And you may win, but then you can explain to everyone why you were fighting with your boyfriend. How's that sound?"
It can't be 'round because it's not around it's a round - two separate words, so the abbreviation doesn't work here.
yeah, I know that's nitpicking, but I like the story so far, though it does stick out a little that you've already got Dani referring to himself as a 'her' even though she doesn't really seem to be transgendered - which is a very distinct thing from gay or even cross-dressers (all three of which can be entirely unrelated phenomena). I haven't read the rest of the story yet, so I don't know if that is even the direction you will be taking it, but it doesn't seem to fit that you've got 'him' doing all this soul-searching and angsting over why he cross-dresses, and then thinking of himself as a female. Incidentally, read Laney Cairo's "Circle of Change" if you get a chance, it's about a transgendered 'boy', and I think it treats the incredible confusion of finding yourself in a body that doesn't fit quite well. Dani may like cross-dressing for the freedom it gives him to be openly gay, but so far there doesn't seem to be any hint of him longing to be physically female, or even mentally, so the glib usage of female pronouns when referring to himself sticks out.
It gets complicated because there are certain qualities or characteristics that culture teaches us to refer to as 'feminine' (in your profile, you say you like the feminine - in boys or girls - but as a writer I think its important to try and break it down to specifics, and then see if the broader label still fits, or is misleading) but a lot of so-called 'feminine' behaviour or desires exist in perfectly manly men, and depending on their cultural code, it is perfectly acceptable behaviour in some places for men to do things which elsewhere are reserved exclusively for women. Bears a lot of thinking about - and especially for a gay teenager in a primarily homophobic environment, such questions would not be so easily answered.
4obentoboy"Very funny. All right, so what do you want? And I swear to god, if you say 'blow job', we're gonna go 'round right here. And you may win, but then you can explain to everyone why you were fighting with your boyfriend. How's that sound?"
It can't be 'round because it's not around it's a round - two separate words, so the abbreviation doesn't work here.
yeah, I know that's nitpicking, but I like the story so far, though it does stick out a little that you've already got Dani referring to himself as a 'her' even though she doesn't really seem to be transgendered - which is a very distinct thing from gay or even cross-dressers (all three of which can be entirely unrelated phenomena). I haven't read the rest of the story yet, so I don't know if that is even the direction you will be taking it, but it doesn't seem to fit that you've got 'him' doing all this soul-searching and angsting over why he cross-dresses, and then thinking of himself as a female. Incidentally, read Laney Cairo's "Circle of Change" if you get a chance, it's about a transgendered 'boy', and I think it treats the incredible confusion of finding yourself in a body that doesn't fit quite well. Dani may like cross-dressing for the freedom it gives him to be openly gay, but so far there doesn't seem to be any hint of him longing to be physically female, or even mentally, so the glib usage of female pronouns when referring to himself sticks out.
It gets complicated because there are certain qualities or characteristics that culture teaches us to refer to as 'feminine' (in your profile, you say you like the feminine - in boys or girls - but as a writer I think its important to try and break it down to specifics, and then see if the broader label still fits, or is misleading) but a lot of so-called 'feminine' behaviour or desires exist in perfectly manly men, and depending on their cultural code, it is perfectly acceptable behaviour in some places for men to do things which elsewhere are reserved exclusively for women. Bears a lot of thinking about - and especially for a gay teenager in a primarily homophobic environment, such questions would not be so easily answered.