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for The Girl for Me

12/7/2006 c5 3Inherent
So cute! This isn't the last chapter, is it? I mean, I don't think so but it sounds so complete. @_@ Ahh.
12/7/2006 c5 25Esquirella
This was a really good chapter to break on because it gives us a good idea of where Kevin's mind is at and now we can think on it while we wait for you to start Danny/Dani's POV of how thinks are going.
12/7/2006 c5 calamity jane
Beautiful! This chapter was just beautiful! I so luv Kevin and the way they relate to each other. Their connection is so strong. I'd be here all day if I went over everything I liked about it, so I'll just say, fabulous writing! 1 minute you have me laughing or smiling and the next I could almost cry. I'm not complaining about having to wait for further updates. I'm just glad to hear you're going to continue the story. :)
12/7/2006 c5 18Kimagure
This was just too cute for words. *glomps* I love Kevin and the way he was the typical jock, and yet so much more at the same time. He was sweet in a very his-foot's-always-in-his-mouth way.

And I loved Dani. I like how she was so patient with Kevin and his baggage, and I like that even though she'd get mad, she'd eventually calm down enough to see that he either didn't mean what he'd said or that he didn't understand how it had been offensive.

I especially like that she was transexual too. It put an interesting twist on the story, and I liked that you made the distinctions on how this was like being gay, but at the same time, very different from being gay.

And your dialogue is kick ass. ^_^ I love those last few scenes of this chapter where it was just the dialogue telling the story. *hearts*

Awesome, awesome story. ^_^
12/6/2006 c4 25Esquirella
Another great update that shows Kevin's evolution. And Dani's too, it seems. Clever use of the "gay assholes", as well. Not many authors tackle that subject.
12/6/2006 c3 Esquirella
This is a hell of a great chapter! It shows Kevin's evolution as a character, and it's great to see he has a trait that Danny/Dani doesn't possess (the ability to sense people's feelings). Great job!
12/5/2006 c4 3Inherent
I'm such a dork. I was in computer class and I checked my email and I saw the alert for this story and I was all happy and then sad because I couldn't read it in class. And now I'm home and I finally got to read it. Anyways, this chapter was REALLY good. I say that about all the chapters but I really liked this one. I liked how Dani got upset about what Kevin said. I like how you made the guy who Dani went out with act. Because it shows how Kevin is really great to Dani even if he screws up once in a while. And, um, that's all I can think of right now without mentioning everything in the chapter. The only thing 'wrong' with the chapter is this one grammar/dialogue mistake I've seen a few times. Example:

“Okay” she replied quietly.

There needs to be a comma after okay. You can never not put a comma/period before dialogue ends. So it should be: "Okay," she replied quietly.

That's the only thing. I hope you didn't find that annoying. Anywho, can't wait for the next update.
12/5/2006 c4 4mandrake-o
I love this story. Everyone seems so real.

=) Mandraco.
12/5/2006 c4 calamity jane
What can I say! I luv it, it just keeps getting better! I am so happy Dani called Kevin when she needed him and his reaction when she called was just perfect. Please don't make me wait too long for an update!
12/4/2006 c4 1mookyjoo
muahaha, i reviewed!

anyway

I think that Kevin and Dani would make a good couple..

and I love your writing style.

it's perfect!

and ...

i hope you update more!

muahaha!
12/3/2006 c3 c
This is so good, but you left me hanging! Aagh! I was really hoping you'd update this weekend, now I need to know what happens next, and soon (please)!

All begging aside, :)! This story is very well written, and the relationship you're building between Kevin & Dani is beautiful.
12/3/2006 c3 17Ayakaishi Fei
This is good. Very interesting and unique. Update soon please.
12/3/2006 c1 24Limited Edition
Mwahaha the summary to this one sounded so funny. But then it also takes out one of the big suspense points. The information about one of the guys could've been left out, because from the main characters point of view, he doesn't know about it right? My point is; the question is mostly how he will react to it now, but if it wasn't revealed, both revelations could be used as stress-points. But the plot is nevertheless very exciting XD

The first sentence gives a good idea about the setting, but at the same time it also assumes that the reader is already interested, so I won't say it's a killer. And then it goes on like that, with information streaming in about the main person who I still don't hold any interest in, but the strong point in that is that it sounds realistic, yet it could've been sneaked in here and there when the time for its importance came. I'm not fond of the use of lines, there are commas and semi-colons for those.

The main person's fascination for Dani sounds a bit excessive. Not even I go that crazy over somebody. It was so realistic until this point. It's also hard to balance on it since it's such a cliché way of meeting. "She was that striking to him." sounds unnecessary. It's already evident from his actions, there is no need to tell the reader that it actually is so. And then when he remembers who it is...why did all the suspense subside? Anyway, good job!
12/3/2006 c3 8Spazifiedcheerio
woh, not expecting the end of chappie 3. it was an interesting twist, but anyway, sorry i havent reviewed before this but i really like your story and i suck at constructive criticism :) i just wanted to say i thinkk your characters work well together and their whole ordeal is actually pretty realistic, good job and keep writing!:)
12/3/2006 c3 4mandrake-o
Ooh, this story rocks. Glad I found it. Glad you wrote it. Glad you posted it. Gee, I'm just glad.

Point of this is that I think this is a great story, well written, and I definitely like the plot and can't wait to read more soon.

=) Mandraco.
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