for The Awakening4/3/2008 c7 BWeep
Cool story! Everything's a little too perfect, though, as if there are no other citizens except teenagers partying 24/7. I suppose that will change, what with the forbidding monolith and all.
Cool story! Everything's a little too perfect, though, as if there are no other citizens except teenagers partying 24/7. I suppose that will change, what with the forbidding monolith and all.
3/21/2007 c9 
5lightpaladin
Wow...this story is AWESOME! Everything is so well-written and seems so well thought out. And for a first romantic scene, not bad, not bad. Keep up that good work. Update Soon!
~Lightpaladin;)
5lightpaladinWow...this story is AWESOME! Everything is so well-written and seems so well thought out. And for a first romantic scene, not bad, not bad. Keep up that good work. Update Soon!
~Lightpaladin;)
3/20/2007 c9 3The Ferrett
As romantic scenes go. That was nice and fresh, original with all the smarmy nice elements. ::)) Yes, nice work.
3The FerrettAs romantic scenes go. That was nice and fresh, original with all the smarmy nice elements. ::)) Yes, nice work.
3/3/2007 c5 The Ferrett
Nah, I don't thing youll make him psychic, too simple. anyway, ::)) well see.
Nah, I don't thing youll make him psychic, too simple. anyway, ::)) well see.
3/3/2007 c4 The Ferrett
I like the history she has, i like the character interactions, and it seems you'll probably not get constructive critisism because I think this rocks.
I like the history she has, i like the character interactions, and it seems you'll probably not get constructive critisism because I think this rocks.
3/3/2007 c1 The Ferrett
Odd starting, mentally flawed character, but all in all fun. Will keep reading.
Odd starting, mentally flawed character, but all in all fun. Will keep reading.
1/19/2007 c1 5PastrySniper
Well as I said, gonna check out and review. This is good. Has alot of strong points that grab the reader. It shows how Evans life really sucks and dosn't sugar coat it at all.
Good work.
5PastrySniperWell as I said, gonna check out and review. This is good. Has alot of strong points that grab the reader. It shows how Evans life really sucks and dosn't sugar coat it at all.
Good work.
11/28/2006 c1 21Ancamna
I really like your story so far. I want to know what happens next! Your writing style takes a little getting used to, but it fits the story. I'm not sure who the narrator is, though. The farther along in the story I read, the more the narrator seems like Evan - or rather, thrid person limited from Evan's POV. But in the beginning you say "Evan, we will soon find out, has..." and that makes it seem like someone outside the story is narrating. If Evan *is* the one narrating, then I would suggest cutting out that part of the line. Also, for your fourth sentence, you have "one just awoken" and I would change that to "one having just awoken" or "one who has just awoken" otherwise you need a different form of "to wake." Other than that, your story is really good so far. Evan's character seems well-developed and we really get a sense of who he is, even though it's just the first chapter. So...does he really die? Or something else?
21AncamnaI really like your story so far. I want to know what happens next! Your writing style takes a little getting used to, but it fits the story. I'm not sure who the narrator is, though. The farther along in the story I read, the more the narrator seems like Evan - or rather, thrid person limited from Evan's POV. But in the beginning you say "Evan, we will soon find out, has..." and that makes it seem like someone outside the story is narrating. If Evan *is* the one narrating, then I would suggest cutting out that part of the line. Also, for your fourth sentence, you have "one just awoken" and I would change that to "one having just awoken" or "one who has just awoken" otherwise you need a different form of "to wake." Other than that, your story is really good so far. Evan's character seems well-developed and we really get a sense of who he is, even though it's just the first chapter. So...does he really die? Or something else?