for here, a confession6/24/2007 c1 
24axis.on.a.tilt
"like we could inhale tonight/and time stop here and now"
"ohsofrivolous"
"this is what it's like/when you forget to save them"
It isn't so much angsty as the truth, the closest truth that a writer can write and admit. You have the words that could speak to everyone, if only everyone would take time to listen, because we all know how beautiful a breakdown is, and it is in those moments that a writer writes best.
24axis.on.a.tilt"like we could inhale tonight/and time stop here and now"
"ohsofrivolous"
"this is what it's like/when you forget to save them"
It isn't so much angsty as the truth, the closest truth that a writer can write and admit. You have the words that could speak to everyone, if only everyone would take time to listen, because we all know how beautiful a breakdown is, and it is in those moments that a writer writes best.
12/20/2006 c1 17sporkofdoom
This is raw and powerful and I do believe I know how it feels. The end of the first stanza was my favorite- the imagery was really impressive, and the third stanza... powerful.
I don't know if you need the little second part there. It seems a little overdone and unnessecary.
17sporkofdoomThis is raw and powerful and I do believe I know how it feels. The end of the first stanza was my favorite- the imagery was really impressive, and the third stanza... powerful.
I don't know if you need the little second part there. It seems a little overdone and unnessecary.
11/29/2006 c1 63lackluster
the first part is the best, in my opinion. the words themselves have such a hasty /need/ to them, and when you convey that emotion so perfectly, it's breathtaking.
63lacklusterthe first part is the best, in my opinion. the words themselves have such a hasty /need/ to them, and when you convey that emotion so perfectly, it's breathtaking.
11/29/2006 c1 871no.peace.los.angeles
Wow, angsty. I think the first bit is my favorite, because of the wonderful imagery of scribbling on palms and pens skipping across paper. Just nice. If I had to give you concrit at all, I'd say to take the "of" out of the 2nd to last line in the first stanza/poem/whatever you're calling it. It's unnecessary. Nice job. Keep writing! :)
871no.peace.los.angelesWow, angsty. I think the first bit is my favorite, because of the wonderful imagery of scribbling on palms and pens skipping across paper. Just nice. If I had to give you concrit at all, I'd say to take the "of" out of the 2nd to last line in the first stanza/poem/whatever you're calling it. It's unnecessary. Nice job. Keep writing! :)