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1/15/2007 c1 82Solemn Coyote
Hi. You have a poem. I'm going to try and review it. We'll see if that works.

1) This feels, vaguely, like something Frost might write. I'm not usually a fan of rhyme schemes, but you manage to sneak some pretty cool images past the ABABCDCD format.

2)"More than just water on grass/Metaphor invincible" That's a cool line. It's not often that a poem admits that it's a poem.

3)"The dewdrop is so lost/Just like me someday" Maybe legions of teenage angst poems have left a bad taste in my mouth, but I'm not a huge fan of that line. But it does continue the rhyme scheme. Which might be why I don't like rhyme schemes. Maybe it'd be better if you removed the 'so' from the line. It feels a little bit like it's overemphasizing.

4)"Smallest drop of water there/Just sitting there unpaved" I didn't notice this the first time through, but there's only a period at the end of the poem. There are places where periods belong in the body of the poem, but they're conspiciously absent. Again, this is probably intentional, and it doesn't hurt the poem.

5) I'm not completely sure about this, but the message I got here was that some individuals are like pristine drops of dew, making the world a better place by standing out. Cool.

6) Keep writing. I'd happily read more of these.


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