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12/9/2006 c1 4Sakka-Fenikkusu
Honestly, this needs a bit of work. The syllable count is okay, but it reads like you're adding extra words for some reason. Cut out all of the verys, the simplys, and the "the only reason why is" bit and replace them with something that works but doesn't sound unnecessary (or don't replace them at all and subtract other stuff to make the rhythm work), and it'll be fine. Personally, I'd probably rewrite this one.

12/9/2006 c1 4Underground Constellation
This is almost like the lyrics of a song. I like the way it flowed.

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