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for The Necromancer's Daughter

9/22/2008 c3 1Will Seaver
I'm reading the whole thing but taking a quick stop at the end of 3 to review. First of all, I LOVE the style. You definitely make it your own and it's all very professional, fluid, and for lack of a better word, stylistic. You're very skilled and you should keep up the feel.

However, so far, 3 chapters in, I'm still having trouble picturing a setting with so little to go on. This either lets me create it in my own mind, as a placeholder, or my mind assumes everything is happening in the same place with no setting- which it clearly isn't. This seems to be your major flaw so far, lack of description for the characters and the environment around them.

No other REAL issues other than this, but of course no setting ignites other small issues- I can't see the world, I can't see the people in it, and the story's other amazing facets, like the style and dialogue, are stunted. Then it just feels like fluff and dialogue, and the pacing seems like it's going off course too quickly.

I'm going to keep reading of course but I wanted to input my 2 cents for the first 3 chapters. I like it, though!
2/25/2008 c1 2M.R.Sanner
Ooh a necromancer story ! I love stories involving necromancy and how they put their take on it ( I myself am currently creating a world of necromancy ) . I like your description of Cina and I can't wait to find out more !
12/12/2007 c1 6Torngari
I sometimes wish I could write as concisely and with such a good

tempo. Yet I always fail to maintain plot structure, under develop

characters or keep up interesting diction. It made me curious to see

if you could keep up the good work, and so far I've been impressed. :)

I would complain about the lack of details about setting and

character, but thats just me wanting more. The mystery adds a lot to

the writing. I would love to give cc, but I'm far to tired to go

hunting through it to find it. I'll try again next time.
4/18/2007 c3 Sophie Ulquiorra Allen
Interesting so far, and I can't see any major flaws as of yet. Greve and Cina sound like likeable characters. Keep it up!
2/11/2007 c7 9Alteng
O, that was a good freaky ending, but the murderer is a good a freaky type of critter.

So, is Cina falling for Greve maybe. Ah, but will that work out indeed. Greve doesn't seem to show much affection for her yet, but, maybe he will learn ot understand after all is said and done.

I can't help but like Nazfrith's attitude. What use are the living indeed, and not much use after they are dead.
2/5/2007 c7 17Without A Muse
Yeah! You updated!

Okay, nice chapter. The end was a question, which made me want to head over to the next chapter. A little bit more description, which was good.

However, I think that Cina lacks something. I can't put my finger on it, sorry. But, there seems to be something. She's an interstiong character and all, but... Let me think about it for a little while, and when I think of it, I'll let you know!

All in all, a good chapter!

2/1/2007 c6 9Alteng
Okay, it took a couple of days to get to this chapter. Cina is a really mysterious character, and the mirror thing would be freaky indeed. I guess Greve is the focal point of the normality here. Cina is far from normal, but she is likeable in a cold way.

I see the killer is back again. I wonder if this has to do with the shadow in the mirror.
1/29/2007 c6 17Without A Muse
Okay, now I am VERY interested! THese chapters keep gripping me! However, I would suggest that you would make your chapters a little longer. As well, add a little more information about why Greve trusts her, and what he thinks of her. You give very vague descriptions.

That's all I can suggest for the moment.
1/29/2007 c2 teigar-Olivia
first off.. Greve w/ accent circumflex?like the part where she says, A flame, a raindrop, a breeze; move on, move on with ease; a key, a key twice turned, passage, passage earned,”

OMG!this is so much better than chapter 1. u dont even care that her name in Cina it's that god!i want to know morer!the creature part avec master tines is super fab! if every part of this was as good as the master tines part it would be the best thing i ever read!
1/23/2007 c5 9Alteng
I don't know. Cina could be a bit more out there, but she is rather an odd little one, and is there a hint of interest from Greve?

Nozfrith is rather a normal wizard, who reall would not want to be disturbed, and he sends the man on the impossible quest. Hey, they just need to time it right to get to Iise.
1/22/2007 c4 6Torngari
Well, despite them being minor I did find somethings that may help; Some wording in this chapter was a bit more akward than in the last ones. "...yet she did have some odd air." Just minor stuff like that or "You never at home." Overall another great chapter. I like that you introduced a character that understands Cina's world, I will be interested in seeing what happens there, and of course I'm still waiting for the details on Greve and the murderer. Looking forward to reading more.
1/22/2007 c4 9Alteng
The letterbox seems so out of place in the setting, and it almost makes the whole thing so mundane, but I think that was the point, now wasn't it, adn Greve has found one of the answers to his questions.

What? No murder in this one. I kind of thought that was going to be a trend in this story. I do like the murderer, mind you.
1/22/2007 c3 Alteng
I'm back. This was a good creepy ending. The killer still reminds me of Darkwing Duck . . . an old Disney cartoon.

So, does this mean Emi is dead. A real possibilty, eh?

As for Cina. She is really weird, but I think she is suppose to be. I do wonder who it is Greve is seeking.
1/20/2007 c4 Counting Petals
I'm sure that little revelation at the end will throw Grêve for a loop. Great job on this chapter, I can't wait to read more!
1/16/2007 c3 Counting Petals
That last bit was a little creepy, in a good way. I liked this chapter. I can't wait for the next chapter!
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