for Our Violent Homecoming6/5/2007 c1 
16Love to Laugh
You seriously are an incredible writer. I find myself captivated by your use of visual langauage. I really wish you would continue to write. If your inspiration has gone perhaps inspiration can be found elsewhere. You talent definatley should be expressed, even if you share it with no one but yourself.
16Love to LaughYou seriously are an incredible writer. I find myself captivated by your use of visual langauage. I really wish you would continue to write. If your inspiration has gone perhaps inspiration can be found elsewhere. You talent definatley should be expressed, even if you share it with no one but yourself.
12/22/2006 c1 54kaylajac
i feel so mean...i could be remembering wrong, but i don't think i've ever reviewed your work, which is horrible given how much you always review me. i promise i've always read it. i'm just going back to tell you what i thought.
this is brutally pretty. 'etching sunset color lies onto old, recycled lines' i /adored/, and it even rhymes. gorgeous. but some places get too over-complicated in a way- like 'now my skin is puckered and dry from the ferocity of your touch,' long and very detailed lines like that. 'perfume is violent', 'desperate apologies', 'bleeding perspiration' are also all a bit too intense and showy.
but don't take the critisism the wrong way. i love this, it's very pretty. write more like it please! :3
54kaylajaci feel so mean...i could be remembering wrong, but i don't think i've ever reviewed your work, which is horrible given how much you always review me. i promise i've always read it. i'm just going back to tell you what i thought.
this is brutally pretty. 'etching sunset color lies onto old, recycled lines' i /adored/, and it even rhymes. gorgeous. but some places get too over-complicated in a way- like 'now my skin is puckered and dry from the ferocity of your touch,' long and very detailed lines like that. 'perfume is violent', 'desperate apologies', 'bleeding perspiration' are also all a bit too intense and showy.
but don't take the critisism the wrong way. i love this, it's very pretty. write more like it please! :3
12/21/2006 c1 breezy nostrils
do you hate the new fp site? i liked it three years ago...it has been long. anyway, about the poem...i love the way you opened it with exotic imagery. reminds of william butlers yeats's poem lake of innisfree in formatting. you have the first line in the first and last stanza of the poem. (20th century lit = more depressing than fictionpress & that's saying a lot) sorry for the blabbling i just finished exams and i have way too much to get out) i'll read your other poems and perhaps not vent as much lol
- breezy one
do you hate the new fp site? i liked it three years ago...it has been long. anyway, about the poem...i love the way you opened it with exotic imagery. reminds of william butlers yeats's poem lake of innisfree in formatting. you have the first line in the first and last stanza of the poem. (20th century lit = more depressing than fictionpress & that's saying a lot) sorry for the blabbling i just finished exams and i have way too much to get out) i'll read your other poems and perhaps not vent as much lol
- breezy one
12/17/2006 c1 24she's not breathing
i'm starting to think, tiredly, that you can write anything. just pretty, & i adore the sharpness of the italicized bits. you write with a - a flair. for something. i'm not sure what. but in-between you always show an edge. honesty. i don't think i like this concept, because it's too everywhere. you almost have to try too hard, to write something that isn't everything else. i thought, to be honest, that some of it was trivial. "scent of my perfume is violent" and "eyes are swollen shut in denial as I blindly follow you to our destruction" made me blink. twice.
well. okay. bottom line - i love everything you write. one way or another i end up loving it. & that says far more than any little line i can take apart.
-kait
24she's not breathingi'm starting to think, tiredly, that you can write anything. just pretty, & i adore the sharpness of the italicized bits. you write with a - a flair. for something. i'm not sure what. but in-between you always show an edge. honesty. i don't think i like this concept, because it's too everywhere. you almost have to try too hard, to write something that isn't everything else. i thought, to be honest, that some of it was trivial. "scent of my perfume is violent" and "eyes are swollen shut in denial as I blindly follow you to our destruction" made me blink. twice.
well. okay. bottom line - i love everything you write. one way or another i end up loving it. & that says far more than any little line i can take apart.
-kait
12/17/2006 c1 hey maria
I like this, the idea of this relationship being destructive, and the acceptment - embracing? - of that fact. But I didn't really like the phrases "the scent of my perfume is violent" and "bleeding perspiration." The violent perfume thing, it sounds a little comical to me. And bleeding anything has become something of a cliche in poetry. But there was some amazing imagery in this, like the skin being puckered and dry from his touch. It's like any contact with him is just so tiring, emotionally and physically, but the narrator is okay with that. So yeah, on the whole this was a great poem. Keep writing.
I like this, the idea of this relationship being destructive, and the acceptment - embracing? - of that fact. But I didn't really like the phrases "the scent of my perfume is violent" and "bleeding perspiration." The violent perfume thing, it sounds a little comical to me. And bleeding anything has become something of a cliche in poetry. But there was some amazing imagery in this, like the skin being puckered and dry from his touch. It's like any contact with him is just so tiring, emotionally and physically, but the narrator is okay with that. So yeah, on the whole this was a great poem. Keep writing.
12/17/2006 c1 43lronMaiden
wow, that's full on. I LOVE the imagery and the choice of wods. You've painted the scene and situation very well.
"the scent of my perfume is violent against your salty skin" is a great phrase, very strong.
43lronMaidenwow, that's full on. I LOVE the imagery and the choice of wods. You've painted the scene and situation very well.
"the scent of my perfume is violent against your salty skin" is a great phrase, very strong.