12/21/2006 c1 eeeeeeeeeeerehtukuofj
Ok, this is good, only one thing I would change. You say:

That there should be no heartbreak.

But this was worse than heartache. For heartache is uncontrollable,

You may want to alter this so both say heartbreak or both heartache. Unless it is intentional, in which case, please exuse this.

elearuthe

12/18/2006 c1 8squiggle-line
The language flows smoothly but somehow, it can't really capture my attention. Maybe I'm feeling distracted right now too...