for Mafias are Good at Keeping Secrets11/1/2011 c5 simadine1
I'm really enjoying this story, and you have an upbeat, fun style of writing.
However, i do get a little confused when the point of views change so rapidly. Maybe you could use a dash
-
like so, and it would make the story flow easier. Just a suggestion, and feel free to completely ignore, i just know that's what other books usually do.
I'm really enjoying this story, and you have an upbeat, fun style of writing.
However, i do get a little confused when the point of views change so rapidly. Maybe you could use a dash
-
like so, and it would make the story flow easier. Just a suggestion, and feel free to completely ignore, i just know that's what other books usually do.
5/26/2011 c15 MidnightThief15
If Mason turns out to be the mysterious man watching her, I think I might cry.
If Mason turns out to be the mysterious man watching her, I think I might cry.
5/26/2011 c12 MidnightThief15
I was grinning like a maniac when I read about Mason during this chapter. XD
I was grinning like a maniac when I read about Mason during this chapter. XD
5/26/2011 c9 MidnightThief15
Love this so far! :D I really hope that it's a love triangle between Emma, Andrew, and Mason, or something. I love Mason! XD
Love this so far! :D I really hope that it's a love triangle between Emma, Andrew, and Mason, or something. I love Mason! XD
4/24/2011 c22 
8TheRaven'sFeather
Hmm, my thoughts on this story. Well first off, I must admit that were some things I didn't like about it that weren't really well done. For instance, Andrew at first calling Emma a 'rich girl' when he himself is loaded. If Andrew had to stalk her for three years then he probably would have discovered a long time ago that she didn't act spoiled and rich and all that. I didn't find her kidnapping situation that realistic. Why would they offer her up for randsom when they obviously have money to spare? Etc.
However, it did manage to pull me in and keep my interest. Good job. Keep writing
8TheRaven'sFeatherHmm, my thoughts on this story. Well first off, I must admit that were some things I didn't like about it that weren't really well done. For instance, Andrew at first calling Emma a 'rich girl' when he himself is loaded. If Andrew had to stalk her for three years then he probably would have discovered a long time ago that she didn't act spoiled and rich and all that. I didn't find her kidnapping situation that realistic. Why would they offer her up for randsom when they obviously have money to spare? Etc.
However, it did manage to pull me in and keep my interest. Good job. Keep writing
3/17/2011 c1 4Thalia Bryne
I think I'm likin it! Onward. And since you mentioned it, I cordially invite you to check out my stories. You don't have to though. ONWARD!
4Thalia BryneI think I'm likin it! Onward. And since you mentioned it, I cordially invite you to check out my stories. You don't have to though. ONWARD!
2/26/2011 c19 Sakurachibi08
Seth wasn't there when she was kidnapped and Seth doesn't know her dat well, i'm changin my secret dude back to Mason.
Seth wasn't there when she was kidnapped and Seth doesn't know her dat well, i'm changin my secret dude back to Mason.
2/25/2011 c18 Sakurachibi08
So the guy was in the room, and Seth said they were talking about pudding, twice. I still think it's Seth.
So the guy was in the room, and Seth said they were talking about pudding, twice. I still think it's Seth.
2/25/2011 c16 Sakurachibi08
hm secret man, Jett is ruled out cause the person heard the laughing, could be Seth, maybe, uh, Mason? i think that's his name, the dude said she was uber naive so it could be Mason cause Seth doesn't know her amazingly well. I think it's Mason.
hm secret man, Jett is ruled out cause the person heard the laughing, could be Seth, maybe, uh, Mason? i think that's his name, the dude said she was uber naive so it could be Mason cause Seth doesn't know her amazingly well. I think it's Mason.
2/19/2011 c3 Shriken
This chapter isn't making any damn sense. The dude, Andrew, is also from a mafia family, so I'm assuming he's rich, so how could you rationalize having him make fun of the girl cuz of her money when he's just the same as her?
This chapter isn't making any damn sense. The dude, Andrew, is also from a mafia family, so I'm assuming he's rich, so how could you rationalize having him make fun of the girl cuz of her money when he's just the same as her?
2/19/2011 c2 Shriken
Too simplistic. This chapter has too many holes that make no sense.
Too simplistic. This chapter has too many holes that make no sense.