for Mafias are Good at Keeping Secrets12/19/2006 c1 
1basketballgirl89
Well i like the idea of this story but certian things about it were very unrealistic like the fact she had only on designer dress than she got a second one. you would think she would have quite a few attending parties since you made it sound like they go to them all the time even if she was a very unsterotypical rich girl.And the fact that she was the only one in the house when she got kidnapped was very unrealistic. what about maids or butlers or just anybody in general. If her dad is apart of the mob you would think the house wouldn't be empty. Anyway that was just instructive critisism. It's a good plot line, keep up the good work. update as soon as possible.
1basketballgirl89Well i like the idea of this story but certian things about it were very unrealistic like the fact she had only on designer dress than she got a second one. you would think she would have quite a few attending parties since you made it sound like they go to them all the time even if she was a very unsterotypical rich girl.And the fact that she was the only one in the house when she got kidnapped was very unrealistic. what about maids or butlers or just anybody in general. If her dad is apart of the mob you would think the house wouldn't be empty. Anyway that was just instructive critisism. It's a good plot line, keep up the good work. update as soon as possible.
12/19/2006 c1 3Sweet Child
So far, I liked it. Your main character didn't seem like a rich spoilt kid. And I like storys about bad guys, read mafiosis, demons, and the like. I know, I'm a freak.
I don't usually do this, but since we write almost about the same thing, you about the mafia and I about yakuza, would you mind checking out my story? I would like to see the opinion of a person who writes about something similiar. You don't have to though, since it's my very first fic ever, and I'm not the best writer.
Well, anyway, I'll be hearing from you next time you update. So be a good writer now, and go work. lol
3Sweet ChildSo far, I liked it. Your main character didn't seem like a rich spoilt kid. And I like storys about bad guys, read mafiosis, demons, and the like. I know, I'm a freak.
I don't usually do this, but since we write almost about the same thing, you about the mafia and I about yakuza, would you mind checking out my story? I would like to see the opinion of a person who writes about something similiar. You don't have to though, since it's my very first fic ever, and I'm not the best writer.
Well, anyway, I'll be hearing from you next time you update. So be a good writer now, and go work. lol
12/19/2006 c1 6Asia Ralaia Schiegoh
Stephy151:
This is, like, great! It reminds me alot of myself and how I used to write... probably still do, actually. Your intro really grabbed me, for sure; I did something similar, except it was third-person POV. Anyhow!
Keep this up! I'm really lookin' forward to reading some more!
~ARS
6Asia Ralaia SchiegohStephy151:
This is, like, great! It reminds me alot of myself and how I used to write... probably still do, actually. Your intro really grabbed me, for sure; I did something similar, except it was third-person POV. Anyhow!
Keep this up! I'm really lookin' forward to reading some more!
~ARS