for Paladin12/12/2008 c10 A B Lewis
Do I have the 100th review?
AND a mention! :)
Awesome chapter-I love the swordfighting description. Very vividly awesome.
Do I have the 100th review?
AND a mention! :)
Awesome chapter-I love the swordfighting description. Very vividly awesome.
12/12/2008 c10 Mychael Lynne
Oh sweet, you updated! :D
I went back and reread from chapter 6 on, and I really liked Juran's appearance.
This chapter was really interesting, and brings up some cool ideas that we get to learn about later - like where Casey's magic came from. Yay fun!
I also quite enjoyed Casey's first lessons with her swords. Haha, I really like the Armsmistress. :]
One niggle - I think you should write out the number twelve instead of just sticking the digits in there ['twelve hours at a fast walk']. It flows better when reading.
Oh sweet, you updated! :D
I went back and reread from chapter 6 on, and I really liked Juran's appearance.
This chapter was really interesting, and brings up some cool ideas that we get to learn about later - like where Casey's magic came from. Yay fun!
I also quite enjoyed Casey's first lessons with her swords. Haha, I really like the Armsmistress. :]
One niggle - I think you should write out the number twelve instead of just sticking the digits in there ['twelve hours at a fast walk']. It flows better when reading.
10/11/2008 c6 
7sulka
Otherwise okay. But I think you're making Casey a bit too much like a Mary Sue. She's too powerful, knows too much and learns too fast. I think it might be more interesting if she would have some faults, something that would make her to appear more - humane? My two cents. :)
7sulkaOtherwise okay. But I think you're making Casey a bit too much like a Mary Sue. She's too powerful, knows too much and learns too fast. I think it might be more interesting if she would have some faults, something that would make her to appear more - humane? My two cents. :)
10/11/2008 c4 sulka
Oh, what an intriguing story! I really do like how you play with the switching technique. It works surprisingly well. I'm not usually a friend of first person tense description, but with this story it suits very well.
The plot seems interesting. Have to read more to see if it really is so :)
Only one notion. When she looks at the map and sees "here lives dragons", it usually reads: "here be dragons." Just to make it -totally- typical...
Onward with the story!
Oh, what an intriguing story! I really do like how you play with the switching technique. It works surprisingly well. I'm not usually a friend of first person tense description, but with this story it suits very well.
The plot seems interesting. Have to read more to see if it really is so :)
Only one notion. When she looks at the map and sees "here lives dragons", it usually reads: "here be dragons." Just to make it -totally- typical...
Onward with the story!
6/13/2008 c9 Drakoleses
This is absolutely incredible. My eyes hurt terribly from staring at my computer screen for so long; I HAD to read all of this in one sitting. I hope that you update soon.
This is absolutely incredible. My eyes hurt terribly from staring at my computer screen for so long; I HAD to read all of this in one sitting. I hope that you update soon.
4/13/2008 c2 5Mad Asher
Ha. Tapping her lips with the eraser of her pencil. Probably a little too descriptive for my taste, if there is such a thing. I think "tapping her lips with the blunt side of her pencil" would be better, but personally whatever's to your liking, it does't really matter. I have a funny image of she tapping the lead edge against her lips and gagging and choking and finally dying. Ok sorry. I'm wandering off topic. I tend to do that.
Anyway cool that a spell only works at a certain time, on a certain day. When casey says 'dangit' it seems awkward inthe sentence, for me, interjected between a perfectly good sentence. I think "we're just friends, nothing more" is better.
P.S i wonder what kinds of retarded reviewers actually review the first chapter, since its not a chapter. there were quite a few. Nice time-freeze concept. However kinda obvious where she's going...
5Mad AsherHa. Tapping her lips with the eraser of her pencil. Probably a little too descriptive for my taste, if there is such a thing. I think "tapping her lips with the blunt side of her pencil" would be better, but personally whatever's to your liking, it does't really matter. I have a funny image of she tapping the lead edge against her lips and gagging and choking and finally dying. Ok sorry. I'm wandering off topic. I tend to do that.
Anyway cool that a spell only works at a certain time, on a certain day. When casey says 'dangit' it seems awkward inthe sentence, for me, interjected between a perfectly good sentence. I think "we're just friends, nothing more" is better.
P.S i wonder what kinds of retarded reviewers actually review the first chapter, since its not a chapter. there were quite a few. Nice time-freeze concept. However kinda obvious where she's going...
2/18/2008 c9 10Teshgirl
Aw... Irian IS a nerd. I like that little bit of AN at the end.
I also like the little hints that more might happen between him and Casey, like another reviewer said.
I remember Hedda! And it's interesting that Casey won't be going to the army this time from the way events are going.
Good job!
Tesh :D
10TeshgirlAw... Irian IS a nerd. I like that little bit of AN at the end.
I also like the little hints that more might happen between him and Casey, like another reviewer said.
I remember Hedda! And it's interesting that Casey won't be going to the army this time from the way events are going.
Good job!
Tesh :D
2/11/2008 c9 32Mayaj
Ooh this was fun! :D the archery details were yummy, and I absolutely love Hedda! Irian is adorable as always, the crooked braid so cute! I'm so glad I finally got time to read this, keep updating!
32MayajOoh this was fun! :D the archery details were yummy, and I absolutely love Hedda! Irian is adorable as always, the crooked braid so cute! I'm so glad I finally got time to read this, keep updating!
2/7/2008 c9 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Well, glad to see you updated this again... anyway, interesting chapter here although IMO, the earlier part of this chapter seems to be a filler of sorts. Anyway, glad to see Casey sucks in archery. At least you're not out to make her into a uber Mary Sue genius... and yeah, interesting to see that you've introduced asthma into this story as well. Anyway, interested to see what you can do from here especially since I assume there will be tons of training scenes in the future...
13Tsumujikaze no SoujutsuWell, glad to see you updated this again... anyway, interesting chapter here although IMO, the earlier part of this chapter seems to be a filler of sorts. Anyway, glad to see Casey sucks in archery. At least you're not out to make her into a uber Mary Sue genius... and yeah, interesting to see that you've introduced asthma into this story as well. Anyway, interested to see what you can do from here especially since I assume there will be tons of training scenes in the future...
2/5/2008 c9 29Jareth Valentine
Sweet Oz, an update? From you? Wow...even rarer than one from me, these days.
I actually had to go back and start fresh from the beginning, it'd been so long I'd almost completely forgotten what was going on, or else had it mixed up with memories of the old version.
This is still coming out great. Update more often!
Who knows, maybe you'll inspire me to do the same...
29Jareth ValentineSweet Oz, an update? From you? Wow...even rarer than one from me, these days.
I actually had to go back and start fresh from the beginning, it'd been so long I'd almost completely forgotten what was going on, or else had it mixed up with memories of the old version.
This is still coming out great. Update more often!
Who knows, maybe you'll inspire me to do the same...
2/4/2008 c9 9Reda
Squee ~ Yay more Paladin goodness.
Just read through it all again (haha I'm like adding to your hit count because I re-read this a lot). You say you changed it, and I like the change.
Squeeness. :)
~Reda~
9RedaSquee ~ Yay more Paladin goodness.
Just read through it all again (haha I'm like adding to your hit count because I re-read this a lot). You say you changed it, and I like the change.
Squeeness. :)
~Reda~
2/4/2008 c9 6WordSarien
Sorry for not reviewing anything for ages-combination of procrastination, forgetting, and business. *blushes*
Anyways, I love this chapter-particularly the interaction between Armsmistress Hedda and Casey. :D It was so fun to read-especially since I thought that it was going to go another direction. :lol: *Blushes*
Unfortunately, I don't have enough time to cover everything I wanted to say. :( (Homework and I need to shut my computer down 'cuz it's not working very well...) Suffice it to say I love how this is turning out, and I look forward to more! :P :)
~Elicael, Fire Sarien~
6WordSarienSorry for not reviewing anything for ages-combination of procrastination, forgetting, and business. *blushes*
Anyways, I love this chapter-particularly the interaction between Armsmistress Hedda and Casey. :D It was so fun to read-especially since I thought that it was going to go another direction. :lol: *Blushes*
Unfortunately, I don't have enough time to cover everything I wanted to say. :( (Homework and I need to shut my computer down 'cuz it's not working very well...) Suffice it to say I love how this is turning out, and I look forward to more! :P :)
~Elicael, Fire Sarien~
2/4/2008 c9 4Falkner
I liked the developments between Irian and Casey in this chapter, nice little hints that there's probably going to be something more going on. Update soon.
4FalknerI liked the developments between Irian and Casey in this chapter, nice little hints that there's probably going to be something more going on. Update soon.
2/3/2008 c9 2dani-sgga
interesting change... will changes start occuring with more frequency from now on?
also... i did not remember casy having asthma but well... it WAS a long time ago that i read the previous versions of paladin (UP DATE MORE QUICKLY!)... in any case, i think its quite good that you gave her a "weakness" so to speak. i expect it will play a role through out her training or at some point when she over exerts herself.
good job though! and i absolutely LOVE that irian is a nerd. im a big fan of nerds, im a nerd myself!
2dani-sggainteresting change... will changes start occuring with more frequency from now on?
also... i did not remember casy having asthma but well... it WAS a long time ago that i read the previous versions of paladin (UP DATE MORE QUICKLY!)... in any case, i think its quite good that you gave her a "weakness" so to speak. i expect it will play a role through out her training or at some point when she over exerts herself.
good job though! and i absolutely LOVE that irian is a nerd. im a big fan of nerds, im a nerd myself!