for Lifeblood7/24/2011 c17 shushumomo
I liked your story, sometimes things were to easily resolved, but it was very entertaining. That is what all good stories have in common, don't they?
I wish you well with the revision, a clean third person story is a challenge to write.
Trying to tell the story through the eyes of just one character, not tellling anything that the character wouldn’t know can be quite a task. If you want to give your reader a bigger world, you could create a whole separate section with the point of view of another character.
But above all, just keep writing if you have fun with it.
I don't like first person stories, but I will give yours a chance.
Best wishes, M
I liked your story, sometimes things were to easily resolved, but it was very entertaining. That is what all good stories have in common, don't they?
I wish you well with the revision, a clean third person story is a challenge to write.
Trying to tell the story through the eyes of just one character, not tellling anything that the character wouldn’t know can be quite a task. If you want to give your reader a bigger world, you could create a whole separate section with the point of view of another character.
But above all, just keep writing if you have fun with it.
I don't like first person stories, but I will give yours a chance.
Best wishes, M
1/25/2011 c2 Ema
Hi! I've been reading your story since 2008ish I guess. I really liked it! The concept was very original and the romance was beautiful! I just wanted to say nice job :] Keep writing!
Hi! I've been reading your story since 2008ish I guess. I really liked it! The concept was very original and the romance was beautiful! I just wanted to say nice job :] Keep writing!
4/17/2010 c15 qwertyuiop
I really love your story, but I think you might want to give it more of an ending because it seems as though it just ends, and it doesn't wrap up very well. you could maybe add an epilogue, or just redo the last fourth or so of the last chapter. I just think Lifeblood deserves to end with everything addressed, not just the main problems. Loved it though, and I can't wait to read the revised edition!
I really love your story, but I think you might want to give it more of an ending because it seems as though it just ends, and it doesn't wrap up very well. you could maybe add an epilogue, or just redo the last fourth or so of the last chapter. I just think Lifeblood deserves to end with everything addressed, not just the main problems. Loved it though, and I can't wait to read the revised edition!
1/4/2010 c15 Magnetic Maleficence
I really like this story! I thought it was great and unique, I especially like Elsandras' personality. Nicholas is such a charming character, I really like his nearly impenetrable buoyant attitude. I really liked Isabelle also, she was so quirky and strange. I think this was a good story, and though a little dry at times, it was worth the read. :)
I really like this story! I thought it was great and unique, I especially like Elsandras' personality. Nicholas is such a charming character, I really like his nearly impenetrable buoyant attitude. I really liked Isabelle also, she was so quirky and strange. I think this was a good story, and though a little dry at times, it was worth the read. :)
9/20/2009 c1 melgwen
Thanks for being such a productive writer. I really liked this story, and I'm going off to read your one Isabelle next^^
"alanna lioness" - did you read tamora pierce :)
Thanks for being such a productive writer. I really liked this story, and I'm going off to read your one Isabelle next^^
"alanna lioness" - did you read tamora pierce :)
8/2/2009 c4 L'Archange
Hey, I like your story but find it difficult to believe that she would do her hair and so easily accomidate his wishes regarding changing the clothes. She seems awfully vain. If I were kidnapped, I wouldn't really care about my hair; I'd be too busy screaming and pounding on the door...or I would find something to fight with like a peice of chair and attempt to find a away out of that manor or whatever.
Anyway, I will keep reading :)
Hey, I like your story but find it difficult to believe that she would do her hair and so easily accomidate his wishes regarding changing the clothes. She seems awfully vain. If I were kidnapped, I wouldn't really care about my hair; I'd be too busy screaming and pounding on the door...or I would find something to fight with like a peice of chair and attempt to find a away out of that manor or whatever.
Anyway, I will keep reading :)
4/22/2009 c2 margins.out
just one point-there was no epic battle! was there a battle? a level A slayer sounds pretty badass but she didnt do much slaying..
just one point-there was no epic battle! was there a battle? a level A slayer sounds pretty badass but she didnt do much slaying..
4/12/2009 c16 
11Sakiru Yume
That was a good story. The ending sucked, though. I mean, he just suddenly left? That makes no sense. It was just too sudden and abrupt and random and...argh! I really liked the story, but I hated the ending, because it didn't even seem like the ending. I clicked the next chapter button, but there wasn't a next chapter. That's not fair.
11Sakiru YumeThat was a good story. The ending sucked, though. I mean, he just suddenly left? That makes no sense. It was just too sudden and abrupt and random and...argh! I really liked the story, but I hated the ending, because it didn't even seem like the ending. I clicked the next chapter button, but there wasn't a next chapter. That's not fair.
2/5/2009 c16 prettyinpinkandblack
i really liked this story...but i wish elsandra and nikolas didn't have to leave eash other at the end. but still, great story!
i really liked this story...but i wish elsandra and nikolas didn't have to leave eash other at the end. but still, great story!
2/3/2009 c16 9Demonic Huntress
This was a great story! I definitely look forward to reading your others when I get the chance. :)
9Demonic HuntressThis was a great story! I definitely look forward to reading your others when I get the chance. :)
1/17/2009 c16 4Sunlight Rises
I've just read your story the entire way through and I love it! It is refreshing to read a new idea. I love the plot; I've definitely never read anything like it.
Even though I love Nicolas and Elsandra, I'm glad they didn't wind up together in the end. I think it would have been to cliche for this story.
I'm sad to see this end. It left me wanting more.
Great job! I didn't guess what was coming plot-wise, which I do more often than not.
I bet Trenton is pissed. ha. I wonder what kind of trouble Jacob got into while he was stuck at home all by himself.
I feel bad for Mark. Elsandra didn't even seem to notice how in love with her he was. If they wound up together Elsandra would be the one wearing the pants in that relationship. haha
This is definitely one of my favorite stories on fp. You are a great writer!
4Sunlight RisesI've just read your story the entire way through and I love it! It is refreshing to read a new idea. I love the plot; I've definitely never read anything like it.
Even though I love Nicolas and Elsandra, I'm glad they didn't wind up together in the end. I think it would have been to cliche for this story.
I'm sad to see this end. It left me wanting more.
Great job! I didn't guess what was coming plot-wise, which I do more often than not.
I bet Trenton is pissed. ha. I wonder what kind of trouble Jacob got into while he was stuck at home all by himself.
I feel bad for Mark. Elsandra didn't even seem to notice how in love with her he was. If they wound up together Elsandra would be the one wearing the pants in that relationship. haha
This is definitely one of my favorite stories on fp. You are a great writer!
12/31/2008 c15 cic24
WHEW! its done! sorry i havent reveiwed the last chapters... you see i would get to the end of one and think as i read your pleas for more reviews "hm reveiw or keep reading? reveiw or keep reading?" sadly i was selfish and waited to review untill the last chapter even though the guilt factor played a big role, i just coldnt stop...opps well at least im doing it now, well to continue i really enjoyed this story termendously, great storyline nice character development, and last but not least not many cliche's except the ending (but what the hey? who dosnt love a nice cliche once in a while?)it was expertly exicuted with room for expansion if you chose to do so. which you should in my opinion, i think there is alot here that could be expaned on, isabell like you sugested,or you could think of doing some backround on Elsandra's uncle, like how he became such a good slayer and his story. Also Elsandras beginning, oh and her and marks relationship as kids that would be cool too. well this is a insight to what i think of your wonderous story, hope it helps!
I'll cheer for you from the sidelines!
Cicely
WHEW! its done! sorry i havent reveiwed the last chapters... you see i would get to the end of one and think as i read your pleas for more reviews "hm reveiw or keep reading? reveiw or keep reading?" sadly i was selfish and waited to review untill the last chapter even though the guilt factor played a big role, i just coldnt stop...opps well at least im doing it now, well to continue i really enjoyed this story termendously, great storyline nice character development, and last but not least not many cliche's except the ending (but what the hey? who dosnt love a nice cliche once in a while?)it was expertly exicuted with room for expansion if you chose to do so. which you should in my opinion, i think there is alot here that could be expaned on, isabell like you sugested,or you could think of doing some backround on Elsandra's uncle, like how he became such a good slayer and his story. Also Elsandras beginning, oh and her and marks relationship as kids that would be cool too. well this is a insight to what i think of your wonderous story, hope it helps!
I'll cheer for you from the sidelines!
Cicely
12/27/2008 c12 ReAdEr 2010
AT SOME POINT IN THIS STORY YOU USED SOMETIME INSTEAD OF SOMETHING..I JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW BUT I HAPPEN TO LOVE THIS STORY!
AT SOME POINT IN THIS STORY YOU USED SOMETIME INSTEAD OF SOMETHING..I JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW BUT I HAPPEN TO LOVE THIS STORY!
12/23/2008 c16 3trinity love
I love your story and I was wondering about Isabelle. I think she will be great for your story. Will you add Nicolas and Elsandra as a couple because they would be great together.
3trinity loveI love your story and I was wondering about Isabelle. I think she will be great for your story. Will you add Nicolas and Elsandra as a couple because they would be great together.
12/23/2008 c16 3Iris West
First off, wow. Not only did you stick to a project, unlike most online authors, but you also wrote an absolutely amazing piece. The story flows and keeps my attention, and the reader can't help but become attached to the characters. Unfourtnatly, I came across your story well after you've finished writing, but I enjoyed it all the same. I wish you the best of luck on future projects and am definatly looking forward to more stories from you. Keep up the good work.
By the way, I should start posting my first major piece very soon. It's called Brimstone. Unfourtunatly, I've been battling my writers block, but now I am well on my way. If you want to read a short story I penned, check my account. Please feel free to give some constructive critism.
Thanks again,
Iris.
3Iris WestFirst off, wow. Not only did you stick to a project, unlike most online authors, but you also wrote an absolutely amazing piece. The story flows and keeps my attention, and the reader can't help but become attached to the characters. Unfourtnatly, I came across your story well after you've finished writing, but I enjoyed it all the same. I wish you the best of luck on future projects and am definatly looking forward to more stories from you. Keep up the good work.
By the way, I should start posting my first major piece very soon. It's called Brimstone. Unfourtunatly, I've been battling my writers block, but now I am well on my way. If you want to read a short story I penned, check my account. Please feel free to give some constructive critism.
Thanks again,
Iris.